Not confused...trying to move forward...

[AJM]

Why is it then that they don't hurt OP? Curious on that notion, especially when they are getting just as close, if not closer. It is okay to hurt me, your kids, and extended family and friends, but not them.

What makes you think they won't? You may not see it, but do you really think you can't hurt somebody you meet and profess feelings for when in this situation? I mean, could you? Would you be happy if you met somebody doing what he is doing and is telling you, "I'll never do that to you! You're different. This is different." ?(Or something like that). The question is whether or not you'll be around to see them share their pain with somebody else or not. They will inflict pain on you (like a wounded animal you are trying to get close to) if you let them. It's not about you though it will hurt just as much. Each and every time you go near them expecting something other than that. Until they get through whatever they need to get through. Kind of like cold rain on the weekend; I can't stop it, but I can get out of it. If I don't, I'll get wet and cold. It is what it is, even though from time to time we'll see "glimpses" of their old self. They are in transition and looking for a way to stop hurting. Sometimes they'll blame those closest or those they find along the way. To hurt somebody, you have to gain their trust. That takes time. You also have to get to a point where you are "done" with that game piece before you hurt them. Sad but seems to happen often. It's not the person you knew per se that's hurting those around them (think like a train-wreck). It's the person you knew dealing with whatever transition they are going through, in my experience.

I am still uneasy letting go, it makes me feel like walking away. At least some days.

Do you feel guilty about that? Or is it something else? If so, why? What makes you feel like you should hang on? I'm not judging or offering advice; rather just asking what the motivation really is. I think it's important to clarify that.

I am glad you have seen worse situations turn around, but I haven't seen any signs that mine will, and I know, patience, but mine is wearing on me really thin. Not sure that some days I have any left.

Mixed blessing, I assure you

I know what you're saying BRNR. Been there. It's not an easy road. But to detach AND keep the door open for the person that hurt us is a tough thing. We normally don't get much practice at such things prior to these situations. I will say that the sooner you detach and set aside the memories of the person you knew, the better for you and all around you. Really. And that's not easy, but it is possible.

You're doing very well at navigating a tough situation. I know it's not pleasant and it's not what you asked for, but you really are. Be patient. Be detached. Explore you and your motivations.

And keep a positive attitude. You won't be sorry. I know I'm not

Peace,
AJ