My painting party wasn't for you, I like blue!

[albamarie]

During a late night talk, H confessed to me that many men (at a young age, living in poverty) told him sex is empowering and what makes a man's spirit come alive, and that can only be achieved by conquering many women. He rejected that idea until he was hugely disappointed when he found his GF in bed w/OM. He was 22 at the time and was so devastated he quite college, left the church, and lost his virginity to a prostitute.

He spent month’s w/prostitutes, cruising for the ones that looked like ex-GF, I’m not a guy, and I can’t say what that is…other than pure anger. After some time he met a nice girl and she help him get himself together, stop drinking and go back to church. But, he confessed that he never gave his heart in full, and after 3yrs w/her she knew.

At 29 he met me, we M, and his life was full. At the onset of MLC his brain revisited the idea of ''empowering sex'' upon life’s disappointments with confidence that this is what he would need to do to rebuild himself, hence the A. At the time of the A (2011, 5 months) he was convinced he was young, strong, and invincible again. When I found out he was deflated and faced with his guilt, the rules of M, and my devastation.

In retrospect he sees his A as running away from all that suxs in life to MLC land. He asked for a D at that time not because of me, but to be free to sex-it-up and find his spirit as he was taught. He has not had a PA since then, but says his anger and continued MLC brain sometimes wants to chuck it all and f*** everyone thinking it would bring him forward.

When he said that I said maybe we both could really use a separation in our M. He said no, he said though he is not giving me any L, or respect, he is not leaving me either, and asked if I could live w/his cold heart. ???

What about what I want, need for myself? Sweep me off my feet H, he said he “could” give me some attention, and even sex, but don’t expect that he will be passionate because that’s gone in him.

I almost think that he feels a sort of protection by living at home, like he’s not so free to make the wrong choice. Plus, I wonder if he believes anything he’s saying, or needs to find anything possible to heal himself from his pain. He said he has guilt, and he does have compassion (though he would love to deny it in himself) for my feelings, and says it does him no good!

I mostly listened, but boy what a ride this could have been, I didn't react! Is this really bizarre spew?

I did say half jokingly who turned you into Casanova, he said nobody, but there is always a piece of trash willing, I'm not talking beautiful women, that's why it would be crazy to loose my family over, but when my mind is gone, I don't care.

I stood my boundaries, stayed 180, and remained detached from him and his conversation.