Well here I am at 5:30am. Can't sleep. I got a nasty text message from my H last night. He thinks I told our kids to spy on him. Was reminded that what he does is none of my business and that we are not together. Why can't he see that the kids do the same thing to me all the time? They want to know who I'm talking to because they're hoping for their dad to come home. Why am I to blame for a child's normal curiosity? More and more, I feel like its just a waiting game anymore. Like one day the divorce papers will show up and it will really be over. I have no clue if this is a normal feeling. All I know is that I'm really missing my kids and I really wish I could stop thinking about what he said so I could get more sleep.
Me: 33 H:33 M: 11 yrs S: 3/8/13 H came home: 3/10/13 S for second time: 3/16/13
Ah, the hamsters on the wheel, we've all been there. Even when I was exhausted, sometimes I couldn't sleep. Exercise and meditation help. So do drugs, lol (legal, that is)
So, just calmly tell your H that you did not set kids to spy on him and you respect his space. You could tell him about what they ask you etc. and say that they are kids and trying to make the best of a situation they don't understand.
You have to make sure you don't ask ANY questions of kids about H. If they tell you things, don't question more. I usually just ask, did you have a good time? Things are better now, but at the beginning I always wanted to ferret things out. I asked the children please not to discuss my life with their Dad (but mine are older). D13 looks at me and said Dad asked that we not discuss his life either lol!
As I said, the dynamic now is much different, but at beginning it is best to not even ask. Kids misinterpret things. I found it was hard for me, but I did it..
I almost feel like my H is getting mad at me because he has no one else to be angry with. Does that make sense? For the longest time, we were each others best friend. And now I feel like we're both struggling with how to work with each other.
Me: 33 H:33 M: 11 yrs S: 3/8/13 H came home: 3/10/13 S for second time: 3/16/13
I almost feel like my H is getting mad at me because he has no one else to be angry with. Does that make sense? For the longest time, we were each others best friend. And now I feel like we're both struggling with how to work with each other.
Yup. Absolutely. So it is your job to not deal with his anger like you used to. It won't be easy, but how did you interact when he got angry before?
I used to get angry back at him. I'd yell or fight until I got my own way. I'd never let him express what was bothering him. I always felt like he wasn't willing to express anything because he is very quiet and reserved.
I've come to realize that I have controlled the entire R without even realizing I was doing it. I didn't feel like I was controlling anything, but I was. I'm doing my best to change my ways, but there are days when I feel like it's too late to save my M. I know that by making the change, it will make me a better person whether I can reconcile or not.
Lately, I feel like my H wants to be friends. Is this a good thing? It's not like he's turned away from me completely. He seems to have "mood swings" where one minute he's upset with me and the next we can have a decent convo. Does anyone feel like it's still possible to save this? I know I'm only a month into the separation, and that's no time at all. I'm just looking for a little positive reinforcement. I could use it since most of the people around me are really pushing for me to just move on. That my H is done and I should be too.
Me: 33 H:33 M: 11 yrs S: 3/8/13 H came home: 3/10/13 S for second time: 3/16/13
My H just dropped off the kids. I teared up a bit when he left. It took everything I had not to beg him to stay and come home. Every time I see him, it's so hard. I am doing my best to detach, but I really just want to wrap my arms around him and snuggle in like I used to.
Ugh! What is wrong with me?
Me: 33 H:33 M: 11 yrs S: 3/8/13 H came home: 3/10/13 S for second time: 3/16/13
I've been trying to reread DR. I can't decide if my H is a WAS or going through an MLC. I see a lot of the traits of both in my H. How can I determine which one he is so I can prepare a better plan of action?
Me: 33 H:33 M: 11 yrs S: 3/8/13 H came home: 3/10/13 S for second time: 3/16/13
One thing that I know for sure is that my H will still be there to take care of his kids when needed. Our D6 needs to go to the doctor. I really don't want to take off work because I've been taking off so much time with IC appointments for me and the kids.
Now if I could just figure out the magic formula to bring him back home to us for good.
Me: 33 H:33 M: 11 yrs S: 3/8/13 H came home: 3/10/13 S for second time: 3/16/13
Struggling tonight. I got more info on why my H left. At first he told me that he hates me. Then stated that he just didn't like me. That buying a house with me meant that he would be stuck forever. I'm struggling tonight. I want to continue on with the DBing, but I'm not sure what to do at this point. Going dark isn't really an option because we have kids.
It's so frustrating. Because I feel like he is purposely sabotaging the fact that we were having a good day today. We actually were communicating well all weekend.
What do I do now? Any suggestions?
Me: 33 H:33 M: 11 yrs S: 3/8/13 H came home: 3/10/13 S for second time: 3/16/13
