What is really difficult in these sitchs is, people take sides. We know what's real, what's right, what's crazy... and we try hard to prevent or counteract any of our negative press...
We wonder how smart, rational people could believe that we are the crazy, horrible people they seem to be told. How could people be so naive... or insert any other negative adjective here... to believe that garbage.
But, people will form their own opinion. Often, it is because of the past or desired relationship with the person who is spreading such trash talk.
Eventually, most people see through this. The tide may change. Opinions may change. Or... in the case of in-laws... nothing changes... only because blood is thicker than water...
All an LBS can do is keep working on themselves and be awesome. All things that need to work itself out, will.
I know 'the truth' will probably come out in the end but, in the meantime, I feel like I need to be seen to be 'doing the right thing' or else I just play into his game.
I guess it depends on who defines 'doing the right thing.'
If you're doing the right thing according to your values, and you feel good about it, why would it matter what others think? There are people who will always judge us, so do we constantly change what we do, who we are, to win their favor?
Or do we set our compass and travel forward, d@mn the torpedoes, full speed ahead?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Ok, I have a lot of stuff going around in my head as I get ready to meet stbx for a talk today.
My bywords: Serenity; Awesomeness
My keys: Breathe and think before I speak, validate.
Do not: Blurt and regret.
However, there's one thing that keeps popping up in my thoughts, like an 'attend-to-me" computer icon:
STBX told S14 recently that he's no longer living with OW.
So I'd like to get it out here.
Now, 1. I know this could be a lie (but if so, why say it?)
2. I know it doesn't really mean sh-t: OW is not the issue, his journey is. He can move out on OW and then move in with another.
3. It's most likely just a ploy to avoid paying higher CS - as we are headed to court over this in a couple weeks.
But all the same, I keep wondering if it might be a sign that he is thinking differently about things.
I can't believe OW would be happy about it, if it is true. She is a 'possessor'; she 'wears' my stbx like a trophy.
So, I know I should be focussing on me and not looking back, but this seems to be a pretty big development in the sitch.
Wondering if anyone has had something similar - I'm a great believer in the scriptedness of mlc, and for that reason would like to know what this might signify in terms of the repeating pattern that is displayed by many.
I know the obvious answer is 'who knows?'. And in any case, stbx has just taken to wearing a 'wedding' ring on his wrong hand - so that tends to suggest he isn't ready to break with her... but maybe her giving him the ring was the catalyst to make him step away.... See where my head keeps taking me?
Need some help getting back on the rails with this. I'm probably just over-thinking it because I'm nervous about this afternoon's meeting. I'm dreading it, actually.
I'm thinking of you NLW. Sending you lots of hugs and encouragement. You are an AWESOME mom!! Don't allow STBX negativity affect your mentality. You control your serenity, as best you can!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
