MLC step by step...what's next?

[Lilith]

I am not so new here as I have been reading here in DBforum although never participate or post anything. But I need some advise and I need a place where I can vent, listen and learn So here's my Story:
My husband and I have been married for 22 years. We have a wonderful son (now 21 yrs.old). Our family is everything to us. We had a wonderful marriage (so I thought!) but the last 5 years of our marriage it was slowly deteriorating. It all started in 2007 when he first dropped the bomb, telling me that he was not happy anymore for the longest time...and that..I didn't knew it was coming because we were happy (I thought), financially stable, no quarrels, ...sure there were flaws just like any marriage but we rarely have problems. After that bomb, we somehow make up but our relationship was never the same anymore. He became distant & indifferent, irritable, impatient, and depressed. Also in that same year, his father got ill and died then the following year his mother got ill then early 2009 she died.
Then in 2009 he said to me ..."I Love you but I'm not in love with you" ..."its not you...it's me" sort of thing...That we don't have anything in common...that we don't have "history" ....that we don't have much to tell...blah blah blah...then turning 50 was his turning point...it was very difficult for him to accept...he finds it awful to be 50! He didn't celebrate and all the b-day cards/greetings he received went straight to the garbage. He was not himself anymore...he was so confused and doesn't know what he wants. While I was desperate trying to reconnect with him. I was suspecting or should I say I was almost sure that he is having "midlife crisis". He shows lots of signs of a typical MLC-er...such as; new big bikes (he changes his bikes 2 new ones in 1 yr 1/2 time),new car, etc. It was then the beginning of a "roller coaster ride"...some days were good and some worst and it just goes on and on....
In the summer of 2011 (July) he said he wanted to be alone to sort things out, he wants to have some space, work things out by himself. He swears there was no third party (and I believed him!) He moved & rented an apartment at the seaside...50 kms. from our home.. but continue to have contact with me and our son. He comes home and have dinner with us every wednesdays, and he comes to see us in the weekends, call us often and texting me goodnight and I love you every single day...I myself continue to be nice and friendly to him, continue to bring his lunch at work (we work together in our business) did his laundry and we celebrates special occasions together.

Last year in February 2012 (after 8 months since he left) he came back home and wants to "try" to work things out...I was very happy and our son was so happy "for us"....but only for a very short time. He was still very distant and indifferent and aloof. (btw, he still continue to rent his apartment because he wants some time alone and I agreed to that...as we used the apartment for us during weekends ) though it wasn't easy ...there are times I felt we were doing fine then suddenly not. I felt miserable because he still refused to reconnect with me or not allowing me to reconnect with him....telling me that he is not comfortable and not ready yet intimately. During these period, there were several times that he told me that he is giving up 'coz our marriage is not working anymore, but then again we talked & patch up. We went on vacation together in April then in June he surprised me for another trip as my birthday present....but it didn't make any difference, he still keep building walls between us. I asked him if he would go for counseling together or alone, but he refused. I went counseling alone.
Last year in August (2012) he became more distant than ever....and showed no interest or whatsoever in our relationship. Then finally, by end September he said he wants out for good, and told me that he doesn't have feelings for me anymore; he told me that he really tried in his own ways but the feelings wasn't just there anymore and doesn't and will never come back. He wants to be free, hoping he would find happiness with or without someone else and he wants that for me too...at least we still have 20 plus years (maybe)to be happy with our lives with someone else, he said... So he moved out again (permanently) with all his belongings...and left me and my son in our home.... it felt it like its final...and no turning back. I was so sad & devastated but I didn't plead or beg anymore just like I did the first time. I don't have any choice but to let him go again. We manage to be cordial to each other (I never showed any resentment towards him) but this time more and more distant. I see him only 3 times a week at work because I choose to work or bring my work at home to avoid seeing him because I am hurting everytime I see him.... we talk but mostly about work or about our son. In October & Nov. last year I noticed that he often left early from work and goes out of town during weekends. So I asked him if he is already seeing someone (I asked him this question several times since he left and he always denies) I used to believe him before but these past months I have a strong feelings that he is lying to me and my suspicion is more and more clear...(He took off his wedding ring in January; He told me that he now officially change his address; I found out too that he is looking for a house, he booked a vacation etc. etc.... but he still keeps denying about OW until I confronted him 3 weeks ago...and bam! he confessed everything...he is having an affair since August! We had a long talk..... He told me that he refused to tell me or admit it as he was not sure about it yet...where it leads them...whether it will work?...etc. because the OW lives in another place quite far from his and they see each other once or twice a month the most. It was devastating to know everything and yet relieved that he finally admitted it and at least being honest to me...BUT...I am crushed and terribly hurt but inspite of it all I still love my husband very much and still willing to do whatever it takes to save my marriage; that's why I am here...
Is there still hope in my marriage? Please help!
I need some advice! Thanks!