BRNR, what is it you think you *could* do to help the marriage you once had and your H left (imagine hyphens in between those words for the sake of argument, ok? ) ?
I think you said it before - you don't know what to do or say, so you don't. I honestly think that's the best approach for now.
I have to wonder if things are really getting worse, or if you're taking off the rose-colored glasses and seeing things as they are. Can you tell?
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I have been basically living life like H died, (which in all fairness, my REAL H did).
Sadly, yes. And then again, not so sadly because he couldn't continue and grow as he was. He needed to change (drastically as it turns out) to continue his own path. That effectively killed the marriage, but only as you knew it. To see how these things turn out, you need to keep doing what you're doing. It won't be easy, but I doubt that's a problem for you. I suspect a challenge is not the daunting part for you.
Look, he's done what he's going to do. He's going to continue down this path unless and until he decides it's not the path for him. If you continue to stay close, he'll hurt you. Oddly, it's not personal (it is of course, but not like that). He'd hurt anyone that got near him if he felt like he needed to.
We don't get to understand it (not sure I'd like to either) but we do get to see the what that happens. I can tell you the pattern, even if he doesn't fit the pattern perfectly. I cannot tell you how many people could easily the see pattern in my own situation. I couldn't for a long time. I was too close to it and getting the scars. I see it now and I honestly have to say that the only thing that really changed in the situation was my perspective. I knew that at the time, but it was very difficult to get the perspective. I was too busy putting my fingers in the fan blades
When all is said and done, you'll need to be patient to see how this plays out. You'll need to bite your tongue and be pleasant to see how this plays out with him. But one thing is very certain - you didn't cause it and you can't make it stop (for him; you can always walk away when you want.)
Be patient my friend. I've seen worse and seen it turn around
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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