Not confused...trying to move forward...

[BRNR]

You are not going to like the answers to your questions. Because I hate the answers which boil down to focussing on yourself and kids and letting him spin on his own for awhile.

No, you confirmed what I am doing...I told you...I am a give it to me straight kind of woman.

When you do have communication with H (you see him daily, I think you said?) keep it warm, light and friendly as if he were the post man

Yes, this is how it is, maybe with a more business like edge...but I don't see him for more than five minutes at a time. So a "good morning", "good night", "have a nice day", and some other little niceties is about all that is given.

The goal is not to do nothing at all - GAL, do things for you, go out - but sometimes not changing the way you are acting toward your H is a good thing.

And I mis-wrote....I AM doing things for me (and my boys), just not anything for or towards my H and the sitch.

I have been basically living life like H died, (which in all fairness, my REAL H did).

I am good, really. I just don't see how these things can help, but maybe I am missing the point. I guess the rules don't help the marriage...maybe they are just to help the LBS.