Not confused...trying to move forward...

[Portia]

Oooh Ms. Do-er and Fixer (I say that with affection!)

You are not going to like the answers to your questions. Because I hate the answers which boil down to focussing on yourself and kids and letting him spin on his own for awhile.

So, I have been posting on other threads that my choice right now is to have barely any interactions with my H as he is with OW. I just can't be part of his life in any form or fashion with OW in the picture. This decision is really for me.

It really seems counter-intuitive, so I was thinking maybe I am on the right path. I just don't know what type of interactions I should be having or creating with my H, so I just leave him alone.

If you re-read Sandi's Rules, this is the correct path for now. Besides, it seems he is now more "open" about the OW so that is apparently the direction he wants to go - and you cannot stop him.

As such, I do feel that everything seems to be getting worse in my sitch. And I think we talked about this before. It just seems as we are growing further apart. Am I looking at this correctly?

B, with MLC, I don't think there is a right or wrong way to look at things. I feel you here. I have never felt further away from my xSO than now. But, if you pursued or begged, do you think that would improve the situation? Nope. If he needs to get further away, you have to let him. That is where our control issues come in. We think that something we DO or SAY will make the difference but in reality, if they want to go, they will.

Also, I think I need some advice on my communications that I do have with H, which aren't much except about money and kids. I have been keeping it short and sweet and matter of fact.

Am I doing the right thing? Can I improve on anything right now?

When you do have communication with H (you see him daily, I think you said?) keep it warm, light and friendly as if he were the post man. This is harder than it sounds because often we think we are being short and sweet when our voices have an edge to them that is razor sharp. Try to be relaxed. I never thought my xSO was responding to this until he told me that he noticed that I was so positive in our last few conversations and he felt more comfortable asking me things. Of course I blew that to heck, but the lesson is still there.

At this time, I really am doing nothing. And while nothing is helping me, it just doesn't seem to be helping my sitch with H.

There you go again Ms. Fixer. The goal is not to do nothing at all - GAL, do things for you, go out - but sometimes not changing the way you are acting toward your H is a good thing. Give it some time. consistently being friendly and light may draw him back to you. That does not mean that you should not know your own boundaries, but not giving him more to complain about is good.

Hope this helps. In some ways this is the kettle calling the pot black. I am terrible at the "do nothing" for the situation but right now I have no other choice. I am sure others will have some further advice!