I think, when someone says you're "too nice", it can have one of several meanings - which of these do you think is probable?
- "I have a history of abuse and/or drama-filled relationships and mistakenly think that love means drama. Thus, this nice normal relationship doesn't give me the "high" I associate with love" (You're not gonna fix people with that kind of baggage - they gotta do a lot of work themselves. I once had a guy tell me "Kind is BORING" and that he needed a woman with drama! Not surprisingly, he had an abusive parent.)
- "I feel like you've fallen in love with me too fast and it puts pressure on me when I'm not quite sure how I feel yet. So rather than be in a relationship where you're more in love with me than I am with you (which is uncomfortable), I'd better quit now"
- "Your love languages don't match mine. So while you need physical touch and quality time, I feel smothered that you're always rubbing my skin and calling or texting all day" (If you haven't read the Five Love Languages, do so now - brilliant, simple concept, very important)
- "I'm a Love Avoidant and it just got too uncomfortable to be in a real relationship, I started to feel trapped" ("She's Scared, He's Scared is a good book on this subject. Caution though - Love Avoidants aren't very likely to change)
- "My old boyfriend showed back up and I'm just too much of a wimp to tell you the real truth"
- "You became too needy and smothering and it turned me off" (confidence and independence are attractive qualities)
I don't know which of these might be her thought process (conscious or more likely, unconscious) - does anything ring a bell for you? Which would you pick as most likely?
