We are coming up on 8 months in our sitch - H and I are still spending lots of time together - mostly weekends. And when I'm not visiting him, he calls me every day. We are still living in separate residences, however we have discussed living together again, maybe even this summer.
That's fantastic news!!
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He asked me, for close to the 100th time, "why?" And he still asks if I am sure about us and if I'm really in love with him...
Clearly he's asked the same questions a lot which tells me he's not satisfied with your responses. I assume you're just trying to answer his questions? If so, then try something different. Instead of answering, try validating. Don't agree/ disagree/ reason/ explain/ etc. Tell him "I hear you asking "why" again, how does this make you feel, are you anxious, or worried, or angry?" "I guess anxious more than anything." "How anxious, on a scale of 1-10 how would you rank it?" "I'd say it's an 8." "Wow, so you're quite anxious. I can understand why you feel that way and I want to do what I can to keep you from feeling that way in the future."
The idea is to let him know that you are concerned with his feelings and emotions, that they are important to you and you seek to understand them. This will put him more at ease then hearing you say "don't worry, I'll never do any of that stuff again." Because that response says "you're wrong to have your feelings, I don't know why you keep thinking that, why can't you just trust my words?" I hope that makes sense, validation can be tricky to understand and implement.
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I should probably ask that we stop talking about moving in together until he feels ready to say we're a couple
The main criteria for moving back in together is that both spouses are fully committed to reconciliation.
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but at the same time it's so nice to be talking about the future instead of the past! Is that crazy??
Not at all, talk of a future together is a major sign that a WAS is turning around!
