rH.... I am taking the time to read your threads. You posted:
//Its so strange. Sounds so MLC to me. He feels like we co-partner, co-parent, co-homeowners, etc. really well. He just doesn't wanna be my H. Feels like I'm a sister to him. He says he feels about me like he always has, still deeply loves me. Just has to be on his own right now.//
This is exactly how I am feeling these days... I know he cares for me & D... but does he want to be more like a brother. Really?
How did you get passed this feeling? UGH.. I feel h is borderline MLC the more I read your sitch. Guess I will keep reading.. TX
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
still reading... can you please tell me where to find this Quick Reference Card, and can you provide the link to "Happy Again"..
I still have a lot of catching up to do here!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
T^2, I look forward to all your posts, on all the threads. You definitely have a gift for analyzing, condensing, and encouraging. I really appreciate it.
Me too, and I agree!
T: I too struggle to figure out for certain what my W's PLL is. I do know this, though... no matter what I do or say right now, she doesn't seem able to hear it from me. I don't figure she will until she learns to love herself first. As I follow your sitch, it seems it's the same for your W. (and many/most MLC'rs?)
I know she has been moving towards you. What signs do you see that she is becoming more comfortable with who she is? This is where I'm looking for progress.
How's her job search going?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
no matter what I do or say right now, she doesn't seem able to hear it from me.
This is so hard, isn't it? But it is our reality. One thing I do/did is only say things that I would say to a friend, and say them HOW I would say them to a friend, know what I mean?
I actually got one in yesterday successfully though...W was trying a new "style"...she had pulled her hair into a braid and was wearing a baseball type hat...W has NEVER been a baseball hat wearing woman, at all. I could tell she was not certain about it, kept looking at her reflection and she noticed me looking at ther. When asked I just said that it looked "cute as h3ll" and that I liked it...that got a big smile and that "look" that tells me I said the right thing...It is so touch and go in that area, always trying to "read" her correctly, but it's kinda fun sometimes.
As far as progress signs...idk, I guess I listen to W processing thoughts, trying new ways of looking at things, figuring out where old ways came from...Her tone when telling me of things, sometimes even just the simple fact that she IS communicating with me now. Like how your W shared her night out with GF and the pilot with you...bet there was a time when she wouldn't, but now she is comfy enough to share with you. There is also more "calmness" about her...the vibe in the house is better.
Hope that helps some...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
