After phone coaching session #2

[azguy]

I wouldn't beat yourself up over the clown car comment. It sounded like it was joking around, which can be good.

You cannot change him. If that means you don't want to be with him, that is something you'll need to wrestle with. This sounds like the behavior that he complained about to begin with. Don't go back to that sort of thinking!

Here is what I've tried. Try to remember that he is struggling with what he wants as well. This can lead to some really poor behavior. Think of the hurt he must have felt to think that to be happy he needed to walk away from his marriage (whether you think that was wrong or not). He really is in a fog right now. Give him some space to work on his own issues. My guess is that inside there is someone you still love and care for, and would be willing to accept. Implying you have some conditions for this acceptance, could be very inflammatory.

Act as if you enjoy his company, are enjoying the times together, and are not anxious about what's next. Easy, right? :P The idea is that if you fake it, maybe it'll give you the opportunity to work on the R down the road, and you'll make it. It's not fair, it's not easy.

Good luck!