Physical touch is my H's LL and he has a couple secondary ones. During the height of replay if I were to express my love to him through LL then it's the same as pursuing, saying ILY. He seemed okay enough by the occasional expression to ME of physical touch. Only with him initiating. Otherwise it really turned him off.
H had always told me that's how he hears ILY -- through touch. So...until they are ready, I think we have to be so careful here....treading lightly. Just my thoughts for today.
I totally agree. On the other hand if we don’t attempt to speak their LL at all, why would they want to be with us again?
As best I can tell, W’s LL is gifts and WOA. Now of course I know I can’t win her back with gifts, but if don’t acknowledge those special days and such with even a small, friendly gift, she would likely be hurt and figure I didn’t care. I say this because back in the pre MLC days, the few times I forgot a gift she was devastated.
Same with WOA. She seeks to hear these. If not from me, then maybe from some OM? NO THANK YOU! I’m not going to cut her off and allow OM to fill the void.
It’s important to remember, she really hasn’t totally given up on me, I figure. One of her last comments on “US” was something about “deciding if she was going to leave me, or not”. This was last fall... she’s still here and doesn't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. All I have to do is allow her to figure herself out, and not blow it before she puts on the magic slippers!
She’s cool to me yes, but not mean or spewing. She no longer blames me for the funk she’s been in.
I just need to be the man she'll fall in love with again, and to me that means I must speak her LL. Treading carefully and lightly, as you say.
Oh, and like your H, my PLL is also touch. And she has totally cut this off! (gosh darn it) Since I know for sure touch is not her LL, I may start initiating a little here and see how it goes. It’s not like me touching her is going to send her packing. I already brush her hair once a month or so, and she accepts it.
I know she’s going through a tough time, and I really love her, so I can continue to be patient. But I am also in love with myself, and don’t really need a roommate wife I can’t even touch. It’s kinda disrespectful of her actually, and love or not, I will not put up with it forever.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
