The OM has two boys who are 8 and 5. Supposedly he is getting custody of one of them, not sure which one. Either way, it messes up my wife's fantasy.
Already back into the mind-reading though! What are you doing to make yourself the spouse only a fool would leave? How's your GAL coming along? How are you giving your W space and time? How are you detaching? Let's talk about those things!
Quote:
I'm not exactly sure if its possible that my wife is having a mid life crisis at only 31 years old, and I know it doesn't matter a whole lot as far as my approach to fixing this.
Correct, it doesn't matter because it doesn't change your approach.
Quote:
In her plan she divorces the family and leaves, not divorces me and take our daughter with her as most WAW would do.
Still trying to diagnose too I see! Here's the thing, there is no reliable test for determining WAS versus MLC. And there's some degree of MLC in EVERY WAS. You can kill yourself trying to diagnose or you can roll up your sleeves and get to work on yourself.
Quote:
She said on BD that she was confused and doesn't know if she wants to be married. Bot necessarily married to me, but just married in general.
Keep Sandi's DB 180 tips near to you and read them constantly. Don't believe anything she says and only half of what she does. ESPECIALLY don't worry about anything she said at BD. My W said things to me at BD that she had zero recollection of only days later.
Quote:
She has unresolved childhood issues. Her mom left her dad when she was 13, and then the story is that my wife CHOSE to live with her dad. But, I think she has abandonment issues.
Put all that diagnoses junk in one hand and poop in the other and see which fills up faster. Quit wasting time!
Quote:
Anyway, wife at the beginning had said her and OM would have a room in their fantasy apartment for D3 to come stay sometimes. Wife was telling people she loves OM. Now it seems there is no more apartment story, there is no room for D3, OM has not moved to our city (4 months now), has enrolled in a 4 year college, is getting custody of his son. She is now telling her friend that she doesn't think its a forever type of love.
Again you're assuming that trouble between your W and OM means something to you, and it doesn't. Any assumption on your part that any of this is causing a rift between your W and OM is just pure mind-reading. Likewise I think you are STILL expecting W to just "come to her senses" at some point and return to you even though you're doing nothing to give her a reason to. I think that is killing your chances more than anything, that "wait and see" attitude.
Quote:
They look through each others phones because they don't trust each other, he conveniently leaves his baby mother's freaky messages to him on his phone, but deletes the responses he sends her. So my wife finds a one way conversation. He apparently has several exs who seem to be providing a lot of drama.
You really need to detach from all of that in a big way.
Quote:
So I'm going to re read the chapter on goal setting, and try to re write them.
When are you going to do that? Because it seems like all your comments about GAL, setting goals, etc. are future talk (I'll do that some day) while you continue to expend tremendous energy on mind-reading and diagnosing. Flip it around, make GAL and DB'ing your priorities and push all of the stuff you're engaging in now to the back burner.
Quote:
She didn't seem to argue that OM is forever, in fact she told her it is not a forever love (according to her friend who keeps calling me to tell me not to give up).
Tell this "friend" to quit snooping on your behalf. Don't you see you're still doing the same old snooping, but putting a different name on it? You've really got to stop all that. Be careful of "more of the same" behavior.
Quote:
I sense her anxiety level has been increasing though, as I think she knows I will not wait forever for a decision.
Mind-reading.
Quote:
She told her friend that there is not enough PASSION in our marriage. She had told me I didn't pursue her sexually enough. Now, how do I show PASSION in our relationship, without being sexual?
You don't. If and when your W expresses interest in reconciling, then it will be time to work on this issue.
