One might think that MLC, by nature, is chaotic. Especially since some, if not many or most, things about a MLCer and their behaviour is so strange, erratic, and even opposite of how they were before.
A couple things to consider, here. MLCers are apt to be quite... forgetful... They may say they want a D one moment and then seem to forget about it another.
While some of that is truly forgotten, it can also be because they truly do not know what they want.
That said, an MLCer may keep saying they want a D, yet never follow through. Again, there are a number of reasons why this may happen.
Regardless of reasons... this can go on... an MLC can go on... for many, many years. Their "patterns" will eventually show up and change over long periods of time. Patience truly is a virtue when it comes to MLC.
Sometimes the "fog" of MLC appears to clear and they speak and act concisely. It may not mean they are coming out of it. These "clear" moments happen over the course of the MLC. Sometimes good... often... not so much.
One thing to be very clear of, as the LBS of a MLCer, is that everything that is wrong with the MLCers life... now... and for their entire lifetime, is someone else's "fault". The LBS tends to be a target of ALL the blame. For this reason, emotional detachment is also very, very important.
Be careful, though. Some of their complaints may very well be valid. Check the complaints and see if they are something about yourself that you may want to work on, in you.
Also, the LBS of an MLCer may put rational logic... cause and effect... into the equation. What the LBS does not realize is, the toast the LBS burnt is NOT the reason the MLCer is mad at the LBS. It could be because the MLCer was chastised at work last week and that is being projected into the burnt toast drama.
No matter what, work on yourself. If your W is MLC, you need to stabalize yourself and be a great father, become a better man, do what you can to keep the road smooth (that means do not enter into arguments; listen and validate her feeligns), and GAL.
Wow plenty of good stuff to read through here, will take a better read on my coffee break and put my sitch against some of your points a d hopefully that will help all see what I am facing.
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
