Okay...you made me cry....I cannot believe your journey led you here...well obviously I can, but I am filled with such a sense of awe in the grace and beauty of this encounter that it stuns me.
This is a HUGE hug..the kind that has all the emotions I cannot write
Val, you handled that soo smooth, and I know that couldn't have been easy. Awesome stuff, keep rockin on.
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
You are amazing and the person you have become was shining through during that meeting.
I cannot imagine what it must be like for you. Be gentle with your heart.
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Your taking it slows allows you both to see if the new improved versions are actually compatible.
Alanon might be a great place for you to learn more about her program and yourself.
I often think I don't want the relationship I had back I want a new model. You can only tell if she really can offer up a new model by going very very slow.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
you gave so much grace and compassion in that meeting... it just flowed out of you and i would imagine has left you feeling so very vulnerable and open. please take good care of val right now, surround yourself with those who love and cherish you in person and in prayer to fill up that space.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Okay...you made me cry....I cannot believe your journey led you here...well obviously I can, but I am filled with such a sense of awe in the grace and beauty of this encounter that it stuns me.
This is a HUGE hug..the kind that has all the emotions I cannot write
(((((Val))))
Thanks IO. I'm sorry that I made you cry, but I hope the tears allowed for something good to happen. And I'll always take virtual hugs!
Originally Posted By: subguy
Wow Val, you are a DB'ing rock star!!! That was tough and you handled it with grace and dignity, great job.
Thanks Subguy! DBing has never been TOO difficult for me (challenging for sure)... I just haven't been given too many opportunities to DB my x. I've spent the last 2 years doing it with everyone BUT her for the most part.
Originally Posted By: theUF
Val, you handled that soo smooth, and I know that couldn't have been easy. Awesome stuff, keep rockin on.
Thank you! It gets easier. As children, I believe we shine as positive and loving creatures.. but our hardships in life make us jaded. If we want those feelings back, we have to work hard towards them. We have to undo what has been done.
Originally Posted By: keep_going
((((((((Val))))))))
You are amazing and the person you have become was shining through during that meeting.
I cannot imagine what it must be like for you. Be gentle with your heart.
Thanks KG! I felt VERY ME. I have yet to really express what's in my heart because if I have learned anything... it's that the heart often can get cloudy with my emotions. Trying to the let the water settle!
Originally Posted By: BklynMom
Wow amazing.
Your taking it slows allows you both to see if the new improved versions are actually compatible.
Alanon might be a great place for you to learn more about her program and yourself.
I often think I don't want the relationship I had back I want a new model. You can only tell if she really can offer up a new model by going very very slow.
Wow is right! I don't think my x OR I are looking towards a romantic relationship.. but yes.. to see if we would be compatible as friends would be a big first step.
I realize that it has to be very slow and that I would have to be VERY patient.. however at the same time, I don't think my path has changed. I'll just keep creating a safe environment. I'll just keep shining. She will have to take the steps towards me if she wants a friendship. Not because I feel she should, but since she is an emotional distancer... for me to pursue would not be healthy.. it would be more of the old dynamic.. which I have no interest in.
you gave so much grace and compassion in that meeting... it just flowed out of you and i would imagine has left you feeling so very vulnerable and open. please take good care of val right now, surround yourself with those who love and cherish you in person and in prayer to fill up that space.
Yes.. very very vulnerable and open. And I got very scared by that. I did exactly as you suggested and surrounded myself with my loving friends. TBH - the more I surround myself with these people - the more it feels like my birthday or Christmas morning.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Val you made me cry as well! What a beautifully emotional and soulful conversation you had with ex. I can only repeat what others have already said about your compassion and beauty that shone through.
I like that your focus on continuing to create a safe environment for yourself and that you will not change that. I think that is such a great outcome of this all. You know how to take care of yourself.
Sounds like you should always surround yourself with your loved ones. Who can beat a birthday or Christmas morning????
((((((Val)))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross who worked with dying patients all of her life in the depths of their vulnerability wrote: "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."
you are beautiful, val
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Journal - So after a week and a half, I still feel pretty good about the tea meeting. I'm really happy about how I handled that day, and continue to not have any regrets.
She texted me last friday saying how nice it was to see me and thanking me again for making her comfortable.
Haven't heard from her since - and that is okay by me. I have a life to live and I enjoy it.
But there are some things that have happened recently causing triggers and forcing me to look deep at myself for the answers.
My x is making amends to her mom this weekend. It's a pretty big deal as her mom has hurt her a ton in the past. For x to ask for forgiveness without her mom doing it first - I would imagine is a pretty huge step.
For the past 2 years I have stopped myself from reaching out. Respecting the boundaries x has implemented, I realize the benefit of us taking space to heal and figure out who we were/are as individuals.
But the tea meeting has changed things.. or so I think?
It feels like the door has been opened between us with our last chat. So, It wouldn't be a crazy notion for me to check in and see how it went. Not necessary tomorrow - but after a bit.
It would be very normal action for who I am as a person.
Yet - I live in fear of rejection. That I may try to build a friendship and x pushes me away. That is what stops me from reaching out.
It seems that it would be the same dynamic. Me always reaching out to x to let her know that I was here and still cared.....
... I want HER to reach out to me.
But maybe she did. I guess it's arguable that tea was a baby step for her.
And maybe it's arguable that although they are the same actions, motives are now entirely different as her and I have both grown ALOT in the past 2 years.
It's hard to say. It's hard to care about someone and not reach out. And my gut says that in some ways She feels the same way.
If she were anybody else - this would be a no-brainer.
It's not really a question of if SHE is worth the risk. It's more of am I willing to risk my heart to be who I am.. or strive to be?
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
