Still treading water #4

[Grizz]

W told me tonight that things are no better and she is going to look tomorrow for somewhere to move. She started discussing how to separate money, custody etc
I asked if we were separating or getting D. She said there is no point in S and when she leaves then she is filing for D. She starts her new job May 1st. I guess she will move probably in June.

She says everyone had been telling her that she was unhappy over her job and her health and her car. She said all of this stuff is now fixed and she is still unhappy. She essentially then said, I told you so. Which is what I knew she was waiting to say.

She wants her part of the equity in the house but also told me that she doesn't want me to sell the house. She doesn't want the kids to lose there home too. Not quite sure how she expects me to afford to pay her her equity and keep the house. There is absolutely no way this will work.

I asked, so does this mean we are over. She said yes, we will both be happier. She said, aren't you unhappy. I said I have not been happy in past 6 months but who would be. I told her that I was not unhappy prior to BD. She then said she didn't want to talk anymore. Said talking is not going to change anything and it would just make her upset.

She told me to start getting my finances in order, that this is going to happen.

She ended by saying that she wants to be friends. That she doesn't expect me to want to be best friends but she really wants to be friends. Through my hurt and anger I so wanted to tell her to go to he!!. But obviously I didn't. I didn't say anything (maybe should have validated but at this point it seems over). She then started to cry and said I guess you don't feel like we can be friends since you didn't say anything. I then validated (too late).

So now I am second guessing this distancing and giving space. I have been giving space. Which essentially means we have shared nothing in the past 5 months. She thinks I am unhappy which makes her decision to leave easier. Now I don't know what to do. It appears to really be over now. She said, didn't you think it was over anyway? Look at how things have been between us over the past 5 months. My mind is racing. Things are spinning out of control. I am going to go lay in bed and hold my girls.

I had been holding out hope and DBing but now it just seems over. This is awful. Haven't felt this bad in several months.