You'll never guess who just called me! OMG. Ok, earlier in the week when I discovered her on POF I emailed some friends and told them what happened. My group is very supportive of each other. Unfortunately, I apparently put SDA Lady's email address in with the others. Her name starts with M as does my friends. So, she got the scoop about how I felt. I discovered this and emailed her an apology and promised to make sure this never happened again. She did not reply. Today she calls me. She wanted to talk to me in person rather than email me because she wanted to express herself appropriately. Fair enough. She told me how hurt she was when I texted her last week and said I wanted to stop our phone conversations. I had told her when she called me distraught, unable to sleep or eat that if she really needed to talk she could call (she asked me and said only if I really really need to). I told her today that she had not been respecting what she'd asked me for, in fact, she was calling just to chat like we had in the past. I found that very difficult because I'm trying to heal and yet talking to her at the same time. I needed space and did what I thought best at the time. She then explained to me why she was on POF. I said she did not need to, she has to deal with her pain in the way she feels is best for her. Yes, I had feelings and thoughts about what she was doing but they were my problem, not hers. She told me that she no one to talk to and thought that maybe if she talked to someone nice she'd feel better. I asked her if she'd gone back to church, she hadn't. I asked her if she'd talked to friends, she replied her only friend was in Taiwan. She told me I would be fine because I had friends and family here while she did not. I told her that I sit alone with no one to talk to frequently and the only reason I have friends to talk to is because I reach out to them. I said that people don't call me all the time to see how I'm doing, I reach out to them...just as she should be doing. She got angry, "don't tell me what to do!" So she plans to wallow alone in her suffering and talk to strange men on POF who just wanna put the wood to her...or call me, the guy who is causing her pain...good plan. She has a ton of friends who call her to wail about their husbands fooling around on them etc yet she can't talk to them? That's her choice. Holy sh!t, she seems to want me to see her through the pain that I am causing her...I told her that and said "no can do". Well, we ended up crying loudly together. It ended with her saying "I guess it's over and we have to both do what is best for ourselves" I agreed. Damn this hurts.
It hurts because you really cared. You will have to take care of yourself on this one as you already know. It will only hurt you more if she keeps trying to get you to help her. Hang in there.
Kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I can't believe how much this hurts Kat. Yes, I know that in her pain she's manipulating the crap out of me here but I just want to wrap my arms around her, protect her and make it all better...but I can't. Do I want her on POF...no f'ing way and I tried so hard not to say so. The only thing I said was "Please be careful, you're hurt and very vulnerable right now and POF is a hard place to be when you're feeling that way" That was probably too much to have said. I just don't know what to say and do. I told her that I'm trying not to hurt her but whatever I do seems to hurt her anyway. That's why she shouldn't be calling me!!!! I told her I can't make it better for her, I'm barely taking care of myself right now. I just had dinner with my best friend, that's how I help myself. I can't imagine that she doesn't talk to people in her life who care about her ...I'd go insane.
I think she wants to have you help her because she doesn't know how to help herself. She has a lot of work to do in that regard. The issue I see you having is stepping in and helping too much. You are a great guy and there is a great gal out there for you. You didn't find Voldermort right off and it will take some time to find her but have fun in the mean time.
Big hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Absolutely Fig! Doesn't she realize that her only hope of getting me back (if there actually is one) is to show she can stand on her own two feet and take care of her sh!t. This stuff just reinforces why I ended it. I was very clear about that in the end. I layed it out for her directly but lovingly. The fact that she doesn't seem to get that my pain makes it difficult for me to help her with hers is disturbing. I know she's just trying to keep her head above water but c'mon sweetie, grab a brain!
Today at work they served red lentil stew for lunch. SDA Lady used to make us red lentil stew. I sat there looking at the bowl and just wanted to put my face in my hands and cry. This s@cks!
