Irreplaceable

[Takevowsserious]

Dear UW~ I agree, happiness does come from within. If I was waiting for my H to make me happy, I'd be waiting a long time lol! But I feel like I still have my H's MLC hanging over my head. It's hard to live my life as though he's never coming back while he's right in front of me every single day.

I guess my goal shouldn't be to heal my M, but to heal me. Which I'm not sure I can entirely do while in limbo.

I am enjoying things in life much more than I used to, and do not take anything for granted.

I also have hope that one day someone will love and appreciate me for the person that I am. We deserve that, UW. I think everyone deserves to be loved for who they are.

Dear rH~ thanks for stopping by and putting a positive spin on H's behavior

I can see how they are lonely inside, even when surrounding themselves with OP or partying friends. Deep down, they must feel this is not a replacement for us.

I remember during one of our big talks, my H told me " I have nothing." I reminded him about having two great kids, and he agreed. Said they were the best thing he's ever done in his life.

My point is, if the OW made him so happy and really filled all his needs I think he'd be long gone.

I can so relate to your replay comment... I have thought the same thing... Except my thought was more along the lines of, "This is total bullsh!t!!!!!"

I continue to be happy for you, excitedly reading each new post by you, motivated by each little or big step you take.

I still have hope. Going to keep going till I don't.

Update...

As I was coming home from park, I get a text from H saying that he called the house and left a message. That he went fishing again this morning, was eating lunch, and would be on his way after that.

It kind of ticked me off a bit... I felt like he acted like he missed the boys so much, yet he didn't seem to be in too big a hurry to get home. And he has golf tomorrow, so won't see them then either.

I texted him back that they boys and I had just got home from being out and about, and wished him a safe trip home.

He was interesting when he got home.

He came right upstairs to say hello to everyone, then went to unpack. After that, he came outside with me and the boys - and started his barrage of questions!

He asked me - twice - where we were today when he called. I thought that was strange. He asked me about my girls night last night, how my friends were doing, and my personal favorite, "How did it all come about that they came over?"

Ummm, and this should matter because????

Asked me what I did the the boys, how they were, how I was, if I had a good weekend. Asked me if I cleaned because the house looked nice.

And during this whole time... I didn't ask him squat. And I don't think he liked that.

He did volunteer some stuff. Who knows what's real and what's bs? Certainly not me.

Do I think he went fishing at some point? Yes. Do I think he was with OW at some point? Yes. Everything else in between is pretty much a mystery.

He seemed glad to be home, but wasn't in the most spectacular of moods. I expected him to be overjoyed since he got to go away. Strange.

I noticed too that he took his ring, was wearing it today when he came home. He hasn't worn it the past few weeks, so I found it interesting he would take it with him on his trip.

I know, I know. Jello brain. There is no logic.

One other interesting thing...

Out of the blue tonight, he suggests we take the boys to a theme park this summer that is about an hour away. It is actually a perfect place for them, and I think they would have a great time.

But... He's bringing up doing something as a family? I should be happy, but I feel suspicious. I think it's because I don't feel like I can let my guard down. Ever. We'll see if he brings it up again closer to summer...

That's all tonight for me... It's been another long weekend and I'm pooped!

Have a great evening everybody