Limbo Land III

[jzoom]

So I said I was saying goodbye and I did for awhile. I was being a real jerk on here for awhile and I apologize to everybody. While I haven't been perfect at DBing I've made some improvements but still just I guess I'm too impatient.

I haven't stopped seeing the other women and there is one I've been spending the most time with. She recently broke up and doesn't want a serious relationship, though we are finding the companionship of each other nice.

The last few weeks I've focused on GALing, even when it is just hitting the bar. Just haven't been talking to my ex and at the end of March finally got her stuff out of the house. I had to contact her because some mail came here and I told her that she needed to get a change of address filled out. She told me she submitted one.

So then I did backslide, and somewhat due to drinking, texted her and called her a liar and cheater. She asked why I couldn't get over everything and move on, which she thought I did with a new woman. I told her that I just wanted her to face up to what she did wrong and apologize for cheating on me. That the past year with her was one of the biggest mistakes of my life and I see what kind of person she really is and how I'm better off without her.

Then I said how she could put on Facebook that she's "in a relationship" with the new guy but wouldn't do that ever while we were together. Next thing I'm telling her that I still miss her no matter how much we hurt each other.

So she had something she needed to give me and I had the mail for her. Yesterday I was busy and told her we needed to figure out a time today. She told me sometime in the evening and I told her I'd be riding motorcycle all day and let her know when I was home. Then we stop on the ride and stupid me texts her "I miss having you ride the bike with me" and she tells me to stop texting her. We stop again and I respond, "Ya know, riding with you was great. Poker run was one of the best days I've ever had. You still think I was ALL about sex and nothing else though." and get "stop texting me".

So then I don't text until I'm home and she says she was already on this side of town and can't make it back tonight. I tell her to give me her address and I'll drop of the mail and pick up my thing. She gives it to me and I head over. I see that they did indeed get a house together and it's a very quick interaction between us. I tell her it looks like a nice place and she mumbles thanks and runs off.

I get in the car and text her, "I'm glad you're happy and have a house. You look beautiful. I hope you have a wonderful life. I do love you and miss you *name* but I know that nothing I say is going to fix things between us. Take care of yourself and the kids. I love you."

She responds, "im sorry the way things turned out things dont work out between everyone. just because were not together doesnt mean we cant be friends"

I didn't respond to that. Anymore mail that comes here is getting marked "return to sender" and dropped in a mailbox. I can't just be friends with her because I'm not over her, I want more from her, and being "just friends" I can't cope with, especially while she is living with him.

At the same time, I guess it's only by remaining kind that there's any chance she'll ever come around. I mean, I've probably ruined things so badly, screwed up DBing so badly, that there is no turning this around.

I just can't see trying to be friends, just trying to chit-chat, or her asking me for help and me helping. I feel like that's me just letting her use me more and me being needy if I agree, "sure, we can be friends" and helping her. At the same time, if I'm just like "we can't be friends" (which I've already said to her) and just ignore her then I'm not leaving the door open for reconciliation if things go sour with the new guy.

So other than me continuing to get my head straight, GAL, and not contact her anymore with stupid texts I really don't know what to do. :-/