Hi! I was here for awhile during my separation and divorce which happened almost exactly 5 and 4 years ago, respectively. Had I been a great success story, I would have stayed to help others, because being here helped me more than I can say. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to all those that helped me (even just by reading their stories).
My ex-husband wanted nothing at all to do with any type of reconciliation, even though I tried for as long as he actually stayed in contact with me. Now, I have little idea of where he is or what he is up to, and that's OK.
Since then, since literally when I knew it was all over, I have been dating, but have been struggling much with it. I've done so much work on myself and so much soul searching, but it doesn't seem to end up in attracting the right person, or I am still traumatized (one or the other) - basically, I end up breaking up with every man I date after about 2-3 months (or less). I get excited about them at first, but the minute they become too eager or clingy, I run like hell. I've recently entered into therapy because I want to resolve this, but therapy has been mostly about how I am still so traumatized from my divorce, and all I want is to move on. I've experienced the pain, to the point of severe depression, I no longer want to be there.
Sadly enough, I still love my ex-husband and compare every new guy I meet to him.
How do I change this situation? I don't want to contact my ex-husband or rehash anything with him, like going back through the wedding photos I have cried over multiple times (as my therapist - who is great - tends to encourage me to do) - I just want to move forward. Any contact I make with him is likely to go badly for me, and I think one mean word from him would kill me at this point.
I just want to be able to open my heart enough to let the right (new) man in. But I seem to have no idea how to do that. And I feel time constricting on me, because I want to have a family (children) with that man. If I don't find him in time, I guess that might be OK, but it would just be another vast heartbreak I would have to deal with, and maybe never recover from.
If there is anyone that can offer some word of comfort or some advice, I would really appreciate it. Thank you.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
