You indicate that you are more empathetic, so I ask you this.
Even though upgrading your education is something that you want and believe will be beneficial... FOR YOU... and that the additional loan will not be much worse burden than you have currently... FOR YOU...
What about your W? What are HER thoughts on you doing something like that? What about the kids? How does your choice, without their input, affect them negatively...? Positively...?
You may be making decisions that you truly believe are in the best interest of everyone... eventually... in the future... yet what you really need to concern yourself about... right now... might be the present...
As AD pointed out, not arguing is not necessarily an indicator of a good M. It is interesting that you indicate that you thought there was "balance" when there was a difference in opinion. That is YOUR thought. Your W might not feel that was a good situation. Maybe she wanted to discuss the topic in detail and come down to a concise plan of action, when there were differences in opinions.
This is about perception, and right now... You believe your perception is right. Not a judgement. In our own worlds, we all think that our perceptions are right. In a business partnership or a M or any R... we need to consider that there are OTHER realities at play.
From what I am reading, it does appear that your W may very likely feel she is not being heard. That she was not getting the validation that she needed.
What can you do to truly listen to her... empathize with her... validate her feelings...?
Just an observation that you are trying to play out this bad sitch in a way that you think it should.
Right now, your best move might be to focus on you, being a great dad and bettering yourself in ways that can benefit OTHERS... Your life may have been focused on what YOU gain... what can we CONTRIBUTE (what THEY want, not what we think they want or need; which takes tremendous listening skills) to others is always very beneficial to growth.
