Not confused...trying to move forward...

[AJM]

Then one of the two moments happened. My s14 went a little further down to the mom cards...he found one and said "Mom, here is one for you". It said something like..."I know at times things get get hard and you just feel like running away, but I know you never will. I love you!" I almost cried in the store...I did confirm with a proud momma smile and said " no son, I never, ever will."

Part two happened several hours later, and I told my son, that I will always be there for him no matter what, just like the card. He said he knew that, and unlike Dad who is missing out on everything, which is his loss, he knows that I will be there for him just like he will be there for me. I lost it on this one, and the tears of joy did come out and we hugged.

As a father that watched his W walk away from his kids, I cannot express to you how important I see this moment as. Yes, kids are incredibly smart and observant of their family members. They internalize and rationalize it differently than we might think, but hey, that's just part of being different than you, right? I think it's great that you don't say any discouraging or disparaging remarks about their dad. I ran into an old friend the other day. His mom did similar when he was a kid. He's still affected by the things she said during that time. He's >55 now. It matters and it is a great gift you are giving your kids. I'm proud of you and your kids for taking the time to tell you that.

AJ, no it doesn't apply to everyone. I would though, and so would the "old" h. We were always one to own up to our mistakes. Maybe one day I will get the apology, irregardless how things turn out with my marriage. I understand how it really does depend on what is remember while they are going through things, but I can have hope for this one day just as much as I can hope my h will want to come home, can't I?

If it's two things I know, it's that we can't see the future and nobody can take our hope from us about anything. Hope is one of the greatest things we have as human beings. What we hope in is important - make it count! As for your H, he may not remember it "all" because of where his mind is right now. I wouldn't hold that against him later, ya know? I'm sure he'll remember hurting you, but not all the details necessarily.

After all, how do we know that if we got into another relationship, with another person, that this couldn't happen again. I would rather put the work into something that I know was good, and have it completely fail, but not by my hand. So, while I don't have hopes of saving my marriage to date, I do know that I want to put in the work, to better myself for my future one, to whomever that should be with. So here is to hoping that everyone here sees at least one saved and has a hand in saving them.

Amen, Sister! Amen. Funny how life can be, isn't it? The thing is, you will come out of this stronger than ever before. Your H may also, but that's his story to live. Being the best you can be, inside or outside a relationship is always important and sometimes hard to see. But I think you have the right approach.

Proud of you!

Peace,
AJ