Gosh IO, I hadn't even thought about it that way with regards to my S8....I didnt think he would think I could leave too. I guess though if his dad can leave....wow.

We got through the day. I must admit I did feel sad. We all did this morning. I know though that this is not in my hands anymore. I am talking to my coach tomorrow and am looking forward to that.

Anyway, I feel a sense of relief to back to being dark (except for kids). My expectations continue to remain at zero. I need to work on more detachment as my head still has some thoughts that bring up anger/sadness/fear. But I am much more aware of myself than I ever have been, and that gives me a sense of calm. I am in control of me and I have choice. And I did stand up for myself to H a few times while he was here and that was good for me. Didnt have to yell, threaten, demean or shame. The one time we did argue (i posted about it), he had a good time demeaning me in an effort to feel better about himself. I realise he has had very little, if any, personal growth on his journey yet.

I like being aware of how I used to react and I how I can see now that I can choose to react in certain ways. I used to excuse so much of my behaviour to my 'feelings'. Yuck.

Needless to say, H did text this afternoon 'hi, how is everyone'. I almost dropped the phone..if he is asking about EVERYONE then could it be possible I am included in that question!?? !!! LOL Certainly he cant exclude me from everyone?? lol

Well, time to get S8 to bed. D5 already asleep.

TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home