LRT - Dealing with WAW Affair

[needgrace]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((RT))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i think you handled the weekend so very well RT. you are letting her take her journey without pressure and taking care of yourself.

the emotions come in waves... and i have found that it is best to just accept them, sit with them and allow them to wash over you until they subside....

in hindsight, it felt like the big emotions arose every time i took another step toward detachment (cadet calls it peeling an onion and i agree, it happens in layers) sounds like you are taking a big step with your boundaries, so the feelings will come. it does get easier with time...

i have been working recently on sitting with my feelings without throwing the 2nd arrow.. meaning that when the first arrow comes and i feel sad or hurt , i sit in the feeling.. i try my best not to throw the second arrow and get mad at my STBX, OW or myself. i tended to beat myself up a lot... regrets, name calling, shame. this concept is helping me to be more conscious

take one moment at a time... all you have to get through is right now..

tell your story here... and the story of your M...there is much more for you to tell us. most of us have been told things by our WAS about ourselves that we do not understand and this is a good place to sift through.... the kind people here have so much help to offer. i think that our sitches are a type of trauma and that is what we do to heal trauma, we tell our stories to uncover our strength and make sense of ourselves best we can.

this is a great time to read... there are so many good books to help you understand yourself, find the strength to move through this and understand your W better. have you read DR? you seem to have a great handle on DBing.

many of us have read a great deal by Buddhist monk Pema Chodron.. i have heard that she was an LBS too and that spurred her to find a path to peace. Google her quotes and you will get a good taste.

post a lot and tell us more, RT. i heard recently that at the end of her life, Margaret Mead told her protege Jean Houston not to work with bureaucracies and governments bc she now believed that true change would occur in small learning communities with individuals helping each other grow and then venturing out to change the world. i thought of this place when i heard that and believe it to be so true. i am glad you found your way here.