Homecoming was ....ok. I guess. A little strained from my side; I felt so bad for what H had gone through that I wanted to comfort but at the same time wanted to retain detachment and distance.
H is not feeling well. Complains of aches all over his body - simply brushing up against a piece of furniture causes him to yell out in pain. IDK what this is all about. Fibromyalgia like symptoms?
Odd story of the day. Remember the deal where I would drive H's car while H drove his bike? Yeah well thats over now. Lol.
H finds a nice toyota on CL, a 2001 w/low mileage, and just at the top of our affordable budget. Only problem? I don't drive a stick.
We go look at it. H is smitten. Gives me the "what do you think?" (WHY H asks this, I will never figure out.) I tell him that it def is a good deal for the car, but that if he purchases it it will be "his" car due to the manual tran. I say that's ok though, because I can just drive H's car. H asks me different versions of this same question at least 3 times and I give him the same answer each time. He asks if I will learn to drive a stick. I tell him that I will, but would still prefer to regularly drive an automatic which at this point means H's car. H appears to think this is ok, we buy the toyota and go home.
Once home, H gives the truck keys to the twins, telling them they have their ride back. I say wait, I need to get my office keys off the truck ring. S16 slides them off and hands them to me, I begin putting them on H's car ring.
"What are you doing?" H asks.
"Putting my office keys on the car ring." I answer.
"No" H takes the car keys out of my hands. "Put your office keys on your own key ring."
Problem here?---- I don't HAVE a key ring. I don't HAVE a car. Not sure how this fact escaped H...
S16 and I look at each other and then at H. "What key ring would that be?" I ask H.
Said he didn't know, but that he likes his auto-tran car, its HIS car.
(Cue maniacal laughter from the wife here... no, I didn't actually.)
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I am not sure that you laughing would have been a bad thing. I frequently want to do the same thing. Let them worry about our sanity for a change. A slightly murderous look in the eye wouldn't go amiss either. Har har.
I can see how things would be kind of strained at homecoming. Like my xSO your H is going through a hard time. We care and therefore we want to try to help even if that us nothing more than trying to share their load. But even if they want us to they push us away by deed and words. Logic need not apply.
I find this rather torturous, but its not all H's fault, its mostly mine. Driving instruction has always been a bugaboo for me. I didn't even want to learn how to drive when I was 16.
Now, I understand that it only makes sense to learn to drive a manual transmission. H has even been fairly decent about it - only one "Oh my God". But all this rationale matters not at all when I'm in the driver's seat and find myself somehow needing an extra foot.
Worse part? The whole thing makes me cry. Yep. In front of H. Which upsets me... and makes me cry more.
Other than that, its raining and raining and raining. And there's a chance of flooding.
Kids are good. Well mostly anyway. S20 has so far wheedled me out of $85. D18 seems to be responding well to working like mad - 40+ hrs wkly at her factory job and then about 20 hrs wkly at a fast food-ish restaurant. S16A has a track meet today (if the rain stops). S16B has been entertaining himself at the expense of S16A because of S16A's procrastination and frustration with school projects.
JobA is good. Getting trained on some new things JobB is JobB.
Have a good weekend!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I had not said a word about ow in 3 weeks. 2 of those weeks H was with his folks. Yesterday and the day before he was busy texting away. Per our agreement, per HIS letter, I am supposed to be privy to their communications.
Well I HATE asking about her, but the blatant texting was more than I could ignore, so I asked who he was texting. He told me who, and "read" me her texts. (I have not asked to see them. Again, I don't feel I should have to "ask".)
But I'm fully ruffled at this point. And H has picked up on my mood so I get the "What's wrong?"
Why does he ask me that?? WTF does he THINK is wrong with me?
And I don't want to discuss anything with him so I just murmur something about a headache...
I really want to go "Julia Sugarbaker" (from Designing Women) on him...
This is obviously a sign that I need to change something in my world. Time to find a good distraction ie 180, GAL etc.
But seriously, WHY DOES HE ASK ME WHAT'S WRONG? How can he not at the very least have a clue? And its obvious he doesn't really care or he wouldn't continue with his hurtful behavior...
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I am so sorry he's acting like a butt again..but the what's wrong is a logical questiion for the mlcer. Why? Because he doesn't look at the ow the same way that you do. She's his pal/buddy and wants to keep his best bud up-to-date. It's annoying as h@ll, but there's nothing you can do about it...so walk away. He doesn't view life the same way you do at the moment.
Please do not allow this behavior to fester. I do hope the rest of your weekend will be better for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I second TVS and Snodderly. They ask what's wrong like children caught with their hands in the cookie jar by mom just before dinner: what???? They know their actions bother us.
So, maybe the 180 for you right now is to walk away and not say anything. Go into another room, give him the finger and count until your head does not explode. If you are a bit blood thirsty like me maybe picture the painful removal of his thumbs? These days with all the texting that would be more painful than the Bobbit version of revenge.
And the others are right, he just doesnt get it. Hard to believe because you are an adult not in crisis. But there you go.
Their brains are mush. They are in teenage mode. And I know my son has asked me hundreds of times what's wrong. Um, I dont know, you broke the window, you made a mess on the floor I just cleaned, there is a new dent on my car....insert yours here> LOL!
I know that it used to drive me crazy watching that. And then I just didnt anymore. Left the room, got on the phone, sometimes I began to text like crazy, lol!
After awhile, when I got it, I realized what an idiot he looked like and found myself laughing at him.
Oops, my bad. Did I say that out loud?
Dont let it get to you, M. The more you do, the more he'll want to do it. You know, just like a child.
