Kaffe, thank you for your post. Yes, true strength is not taking the easy way out. After all, how much pain would it have saved me if I bailed on my H as I feel he has bailed on me. But I'm not him. And I'm not the one in crisis. And I did mean it when I spoke the promise for better or for worse.
It would be so easy to think he's a bad person, a lost cause, someone not worthy of my love. But who, or where, is my "real" H?
From hero's spouse-
"Your MLCer is lost, not gone. What is lost can be found. MLCers can and do come home. That does not mean your MLCer will come home; it means it is possible. There is always Hope. Have no expectations for each individual moment, but Hope can always be high. Accept. You may HATE the monster. But the monster is your MLCers Fear, not your MLCers Self. The Fear is holding the Self captive."
UW - go big or go home, my motto!!!
I know I will be okay, but I want to be more than okay. I want to be happy. Not the I'm happy as I'm trying not to think about the hurt in my heart happy, but truly genuinely happy. I would love to get there one day.
M-man: I laughed out loud with your Autobots roll out quote! They can roll out indeed
Updating...
Had a great time with my friends last night. Oddly enough, H called during their visit. I told him they were over, he asked me questions about the evening. There was a few weird silent moments where I think he was waiting for me to ask him questions - which I didn't. He ended the conversation by saying he would see me tomorrow, wasn't sure what time he would be home. I said okay. Then he told me to have fun with my friends and said goodbye. He sounded almost a little sad.
He had called our home phone, and I didn't realize till later that he had called my cell phone first but didn't get an answer.
So, he should be home in a few hours. Not sure what to expect.
Heading to the park with the boys, hope to get some of their energy out while enjoying the sunny day. Will update later
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
