Help & Advice Needed Please (Thread 3)

[Intact]

Last thread has been locked but can be found here:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2322661&page=1

So spoke to W last night and said that I thought it was essential we sourced counselling for our Son with recent events. Had an email back saying "I'm cautious of this".

What on earth is there to be cautious about? Our Son needs some help.

[Intact]

Sorry Breakdown - just saw your reply on my last thread...

Yes, I am taking care of myself - it wasn't until this incident arose regarding our son "snogging the 12 year old male neighbour" at my W's house that this argument started.

My Sons well being will always come ahead of any marriage reconciliation or Divorce Busting.

[Spartan]

Intact
Really sorry to hear this latest news.

If you think he needs C (which I totally agree with) then do it. Who gives a crap if your W feels cautious about it. His well being is your priority. Do what is best for him in the long run.

Did you end up contacting the authorities?

W just wanders off to OM like nothing is wrong. I'm a little worried about her mental state at the moment too.

If you're really concerned with her mental state and whether she is an unfit mother it might be time to start thinking about trying to get sole custody.

[Intact]

Intact
Really sorry to hear this latest news.

If you think he needs C (which I totally agree with) then do it. Who gives a crap if your W feels cautious about it. His well being is your priority. Do what is best for him in the long run.

Did you end up contacting the authorities?

W just wanders off to OM like nothing is wrong. I'm a little worried about her mental state at the moment too.

If you're really concerned with her mental state and whether she is an unfit mother it might be time to start thinking about trying to get sole custody.

Thanks Spartan - I've not contacted the authorities yet - Just making sure I don't rush into things like a bull in a china shop and make things worse.

Sole custody is an option, and it is something I'm thinking about and taking advice on. My Son, will always be my priority no matter what, but I have to say if I had full custody it would be very difficult for me to continue my business and make a living - so that is a worry.

[Intact]

JOURNAL

Yesterday was an emotional day for me as my Sister got married. I had to give her away because of my Dads passing - but she got married in the same church as my W and I - so lots of memories as well as a sense of sadness that she wasn't there with us.

Lots of fun with my Son today so that has helped. Had a few very short exchanges with my W - all have been pleasant and I've made sure I've been well dressed etc for them. Oddly, I'm not attracted to my W at the moment - she's just lost so much weight - and she didn't need too - she had a wonderful, sexy figure but now she just looks like a bean pole. Her skin also seems to be bad.

Have my boy now until Wednesday so planning on doing lots of activities with him - which I'm really looking forward too.

[Intact]

Not posted in a while as I really haven't had anything to say.

I still don't initiate contact with W but she doesn't with me either so not sure this method is really working. I see my W for maybe 2 minutes once a week when we drop off our son etc. it seems she doesn't miss her old life at all. Which does upset me... I do wish she would reach out too me on occasion...

Detaching is going ok - I still miss my W and do occasionally catch myself thinking about her and the OM. I'm learning to stop this pretty quickly though...

I'm still very angry with the sitch but a lot of this boils down to the fact that I don't see my son everyday and miss him dreadfully.

My 180s have been going well as has my GAL. I am a different man to the man my W left - i am financially responsible, i have worked on my temper and i am listening to people very carefully. I'm hoping with time and consistency she can realise this...

She tells me she is "in love" with OM - don't really know what to make of that - of course it makes me very sad though and leaves me with the feeling that reconciliation is impossible. Time will tell...

[AnotherStander]

I still don't initiate contact with W but she doesn't with me either so not sure this method is really working.

If you feel like it's not working you can always try reaching out to her yourself and see if things get better or worse. I've been "dim" with W for many months now and W seems to cycle, sometimes she'll text/ email a few times a day and other times (like last week and this week) not at all.

I see my W for maybe 2 minutes once a week when we drop off our son etc. it seems she doesn't miss her old life at all.

She's not going to do anything obvious to show that she misses her old life, so you'll have to watch for tiny things. Maybe she starts making more eye contact, maybe instead of leaving after 2 minutes she lingers just a little longer. Remember not to look for big jumps, it's all about the baby steps!

I'm still very angry with the sitch but a lot of this boils down to the fact that I don't see my son everyday and miss him dreadfully.

Very sorry to hear that, I'm sure you're making the best out of the time you do get with him and for now that's all you can do.

My 180s have been going well as has my GAL. I am a different man to the man my W left - i am financially responsible, i have worked on my temper and i am listening to people very carefully. I'm hoping with time and consistency she can realise this...

Excellent, congrats! Yes, just give her time, hopefully she'll figure it out.

She tells me she is "in love" with OM - don't really know what to make of that - of course it makes me very sad though and leaves me with the feeling that reconciliation is impossible. Time will tell...

It's only going on 3 months now, so she is likely still in the "puppy love" endorphin-release stage. Just keep giving her time, maybe it'll burn out.

[Intact]

I still don't initiate contact with W but she doesn't with me either so not sure this method is really working.

If you feel like it's not working you can always try reaching out to her yourself and see if things get better or worse. I've been "dim" with W for many months now and W seems to cycle, sometimes she'll text/ email a few times a day and other times (like last week and this week) not at all.

I see my W for maybe 2 minutes once a week when we drop off our son etc. it seems she doesn't miss her old life at all.

She's not going to do anything obvious to show that she misses her old life, so you'll have to watch for tiny things. Maybe she starts making more eye contact, maybe instead of leaving after 2 minutes she lingers just a little longer. Remember not to look for big jumps, it's all about the baby steps!

I'm still very angry with the sitch but a lot of this boils down to the fact that I don't see my son everyday and miss him dreadfully.

Very sorry to hear that, I'm sure you're making the best out of the time you do get with him and for now that's all you can do.

My 180s have been going well as has my GAL. I am a different man to the man my W left - i am financially responsible, i have worked on my temper and i am listening to people very carefully. I'm hoping with time and consistency she can realise this...

Excellent, congrats! Yes, just give her time, hopefully she'll figure it out.

She tells me she is "in love" with OM - don't really know what to make of that - of course it makes me very sad though and leaves me with the feeling that reconciliation is impossible. Time will tell...

It's only going on 3 months now, so she is likely still in the "puppy love" endorphin-release stage. Just keep giving her time, maybe it'll burn out.

Thank you AS I always really appreciate your advice...

Strange but my W phoned me today - only about our Son but something she could of easily text me... Not sure if this is a baby step or not but its certainly different...

I hope her feelings for OM burn out but there's obviously just no way of knowing. I also know that she will realise it would be very difficult for our son to accept that she has a BF...

When she phoned she seemed very curious as to where I was going to be Friday night as I told her I couldn't have our son any earlier than planned on Saturday morning... I tried to remain pleasant but a little mysterious. In return she told me her plans for this evening "I'm going to do this with so and so tonight" just a female friend, but it is the first time since BD that she has told me what she's going to be up to etc.

I will always have a glimmer of hope, but I just wish I could see something concrete - I realise that's not how it works...

Also, she has changed her email address back to her maiden name. I find that a little sad...

[Intact]

JOURNAL:

I have completely pulled back now and W seems to be a little nicer towards me.

Nothing massively significant but she lingers a little longer when she drops S off, she constantly makes eye contact and has arranged for the 3 of us to go have a kick around with the football tomorrow - this will be the first activity the 3 of us have done together since BD.

It's quite bad really, but the niceness concerns me - slightly worried about what she might do/ask for next as I believe her and OM are still going strong.

She could be being nice of course because she believes I have now moved on so no longer pose any threat.

I still love her with all of my heart and I do worry about her. She has lost an awful lot of weight (when she didn't need too) and just looks so very tired all of the time. She does however seem happy... Sometimes I think she DB better than I do!

Looking forward to the play date tomorrow - whilst I have no expectations I plan to be at my very best - and hopefully giver her a small glimpse on what we, and most importantly our Son is missing out on...

[Intact]

Need some advice please.

Just been speaking to our Son and he told me that he said to his Mum "Mum you were happy when were all together" he said that she replied with "I was just pretending to be happy"

Question - is this more script from a WAW - I mean she obviously wasn't happy but it kind of sounds like she's convinced herself she was never happy... perhaps she wasn't... I really don't know anymore. But would appreciate knowing if this is a common line from the script...

JOURNAL:

Had an hour all together today playing football - the first time the 3 of us have done something together since BD. It went really well, Son loved it and both W and I chatted and laughed. It really made me realise how much I miss family life - I wonder if it has the same effect on the WAS?