Not confused...trying to move forward...

[BRNR]

Wow! Thank you everyone for commenting.

I still don't have high hopes for my marriage being one of the salvaged ones. Maybe a smidgen, but with each passing day, my feelings seem to be evolving into one of...please don't come back. At this stage, I almost wish he would disappear completely, but I am saying this from a wife standpoint and not a mother. My H seems to be holding onto the boys, but even this seems as if it is getting less and less.

So today was a good day, boys and I had an almost normal day pre MLC. We went to sons soccer game, shopped, had lunch, took a couple hours to relax, I worked on fixing a door and planting a cherry tomato plant, shopped some more, then called it a night. Dinner was skipped, because boys and I weren't hungry...not sure why, but we had nice, relaxing night playing video games together.

I had an interesting couple of moments with s14. I should say, touching moments. We went to the store for groceries, and I asked the boys if they would like to get thier dad a birthday card. Neither seemed too thrilled about it, but reluctantly did. I picked a handful out and let them choose. They picked one that didn't really have much too it. Surprising, because some of them were mushy and/or funny and long...and good.

Then one of the two moments happened. My s14 went a little further down to the mom cards...he found one and said "Mom, here is one for you". It said something like..."I know at times things get get hard and you just feel like running away, but I know you never will. I love you!" I almost cried in the store...I did confirm with a proud momma smile and said " no son, I never, ever will."

Part two happened several hours later, and I told my son, that I will always be there for him no matter what, just like the card. He said he knew that, and unlike Dad who is missing out on everything, which is his loss, he knows that I will be there for him just like he will be there for me. I lost it on this one, and the tears of joy did come out and we hugged.

When do kids get so smart about life. I have to say, my newly fourteen year old seems more mature than my H. Ah, but it is a crazy, crazy world in MLC land....

Had to share, as this seemed like one of those moments you would see in a hallmark movie or something.

Of course, on the flip side, despite me never having a bad word to say about H around the boys, s14 is seeing things for what they really are...abondonement. It is a shame, and there is really nothing I can or cannot say about it, or do about it.

But like thier mother who has always been strong,( less +- the last 6 months of course) my boys are strong too. We will get through this. And we will be fine.

Side note - reality hit me today, and probably will tomorrow too, on just how much work is put into home ownership. In my marriage, I was one to take care of the inside and h was one to take care of the outside. So with spring here, I have to open up the garage and get the mower out and running, weed wacker, etc. The boys are helping me and are pretty excited for tomorrow and asked if we could start right after breakfast. I said sure, as I have a half acre of yard to get cleaned up and don't even know if I have the keys to everything. Should be fun, and comical, I imagine. So s14 and I will be learning tomorrow how to work the mower. Here is to hoping no one gets hurt and we don't break anything...lol!