Is there light at the end of the tunnel Part 1?

[Bel123]

I have been accepting what IS life as I know it now and looking for ways to improve it. In the last few weeks, we’ve went from the talk of me moving out (which I said I would not) to W now looking into buying a place with part of the equity of our current house. This new place is to have both our names. The other option of renting an apartment seems to be out of the question for her as she feels she will be losing out and feeling kicked out of her house. I told her she does not have to move out but if that is what she wants/needs to find what she wants, then I will support her choice. This confuses me a bunch because I am trying to figure out how all this can work. I don’t want to have false hope as I am really trying to get myself back in order.

W was very emotional about the whole situation as I was calm and cool and try validate her feelings. There were a few times where we both said we wanted the best for each other and we want each other to be happy. She did ask for me not to forget about her and put her somewhere in my list of priorities (I told her the other day that my priorities are myself, S and M). She was asking of what the next steps are and I told her that it is not my place to look for a place for her as I am not comfortable with that. She asked for me to think about it over the weekend and we can discuss next week of what I think.

The part of this that bothers me the most is the no mention of an OM. I know there is one and not sure if it is just an EA or PA but either way it is bad. I do feel like she is in the “fog”. She said she needs space to appreciate me as a person and has been telling that to her friends. At the end of the day, none of that matters since she is still feeling like that’s the only option for her. I feel her pain and think it must be that bad to have to do this but the fact there is an OM makes me sad, mad, and angry. It is very hard to be supportive as a person when my feelings and needs have been disregarded by her for a while. And I am not playing the innocent victim here as I have my share of mistakes.

It’s looking like a long journey to come and it will take patients, self-improvement, self-love, boundaries, no expectations, and more patients. I hope I have it in me.