CB dont post any external links here. It is now against the TOS.
I thought that too, but it's not a valid link. He just happened to type http :// and some characters, which the board software tried to make a link. lol
That is correct, it was not a real link, but I am sorry I caused an issue. Not my intent.
You guys give great advice. While I believe my wife is fantasizing about a man like the one I suspected as EA, I don't think there is one. Glad I didn't throw an accusation out there. THANK YOU for cooling me down. Can't wait until our first therapy session together this Wednesday.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
Wow CB! You posted on my thread a few days back about your sitch being like mine. Yep! I have just read through yours and it most certainly is. You have had some great advice so I am taking this on board myself. In fact from what I have just read I am now 100% certain my W is in MLC. Maybe its time for me to stop posting in Newcomers and stick to this part of the forum.
I also know about EA, I snooped and found messages between W and OM on a social network site (via PM) which then caused BD. I suspect a w/e away where W could have met OM, it could have been first time PA, maybe not, W claims not to have met OM or wanting to pursue at this time. Not sure what to believe. But I have decided to stop asking, I decided when W returned from w/e away, when I know she had not told the truth about where she went, I would not say anything. It was really hard, but I am very glad I did not. At the time I was 100% certain she was with OM. Now I am only 50% sure. If I had confronted W about what I suspected and I was wrong, I am pretty sure we would be in a lot worse sitch right now.
I will get my thread up to date and keep reading yours. Good luck!
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
Went to kids bball tourney all weekend, 4 hours away. No real conversation all weekend (small talk, shopping, etc.). Much of this was because she invited another family to ride with us so no talk in the car, and all weekend she was with other parents as well (even sat a few seats away even though I had a seat for her at the last game, and sat a few seats away at dinner). She was able to use others as a shield all weekend.
Clear to me she is addicted to her phone. All weekend was either texting, on FB, or reading a Kindle book (easy to tell which based on hand movement). Have tried my best to not snoop, but haven't been able to stop fully. She has acted super-protective of her phone so I suspect that she is either corresponding on it about us, or just thinks I am snooping. Either way, not good.
We stopped at her parents house mid-way to drop off our dog on Friday. I asked if she told her parents about us and she said no. I took that as a positive sign she wasn't fully sure what next step is, or that she is focused on us, but would be curious what others think.
Didn't say anything about OM. More convinced now that this guy is a fantasy and embodiment of the bad-boy characters in the 50 or so similar books she has read in the past 5 months. Confirmed this with best-friends husband who confirmed it with wife (she said she knew who it was but it was just a FB fantasy. Despite assurances, worried/assuming that W now knows I asked about it).
Also, W still has not accepted my FB friend request from Thursday and hasn't said anything about it. 800 lb elephant in the room and not sure if I bring anything up? Counseling Wednesday, first time for us together. Suspect she is waiting to unload on me when we are together with a neutral 3rd party there.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
One more thing. Subject of summer vacation came up over the weekend when a friend asked about it. We had talked, prior to last month, about going for 5 days to Mt. Rushmore. When it came up, she seemed positive. Do I just proceed with planning or how do you suggest approaching it?
She hasn't left me, I feel like if I approach it like she has I am making this all about me and us, when the therapist said this is also tied to her and her depression.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
CB, my W brought up summer vacation and insisted we go. I left it up to her to make the arrangements, and she did. Maybe you should do the same and see what her response is.
For sleeping, I'm the wrong man to ask. I will say I eventually went to my dr and got something to help.
I hope counseling goes well for you. Until then I'd back off from any r talks.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Let the OM thing lay for now...he isn't worth any time in your head.
Forget the fb request, she wants space right now, trying to figure out who she is independently of you maybe... I know it's annoying or/and hurtful, but it just isn't worth you stressing on it. Been there. It don't mean nothing... (from Platoon).
I would continue with vacation plans, but have no expectations...she may bail at last minute. Don't bring it up, let her or someone else. If she does bail, then act as if you are okay with it (or better yet, BE okay with it, more one-on-one time for YOU with the kids...).
Sleep...what are you doing for exercise? I had the worst time with "motor brain"...I found that weight lifting, sprinting and long walks daily plus about 10mg melatonin before bed really helped me.
Accept this sVckkky reality, sooner rather than later, focus on what YOU can do for YOU and the kids, your GAL, your friends, your work, take up some new hobbies or activities...the more you accept and back-off, and get yourself busy with YOUR life, the less damage you can possibly do if she is mlc...you can't make it go faster, but you can lengthen it by getting in her way and by getting in YOUR own way (pursuing, controlling (or trying to), acting needy, wanting attention or whatever from her, etc).
Hang in there!!! T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
He just happened to type http :// and some characters, which the board software tried to make a link. lol