LRT - Dealing with WAW Affair

[RealityTrip]

She just left. I did it. I DB'd and I did well. Since I'm on moderation my posts didn't show in time to get feed back so I decided to not be here when she got back to get the dog. I caught myself waiting, denied it, caught myself again and then pushed my GAL opposing self out of the house to the garden center to get my plants I wanted.

When I came home she was here. I'm so glad I made myslef read the 37 rules when I woke up this morning. This was the first time I've been in LRT in person and it was hard. She wanted hugs, she kissed me on the neck. When she was packing her summer clothes to leave I said to myself: "do not follow her around the house" Normally I would helk or sit there and watch. I went outside and started planting my new plants. She had to come to me for a goodbye. She hugged me long and tight and told me she loved me. I just smiled.

As she was getting in the car she said "I'm sorry I said I love you... I didn't know it wasn't allowed." I responded "It's ok. It's just hard for me." She was crying as she left.

Geez... I thought I was the one so dependent on her. It was different to see her seeking my affection. It took strength I didn't know I had to not shower her with the love I feel for her.

I just kept saying in my head. "She's already left you. She's in an affair. If you backslide you will lose her for sure. If you protect yourself with space and give her room to think you may still lose her or you might not. Don't be so foolish as to give her reasons to run. Show her your strength and give her your silent blessing to take her journey. If she's the woman you think she is she will make the decisions that are right for her. And that is most important to you." There's a weird peace in that kind of love.

I miss her already.