There will come a day when the roller coaster is still there, but you've ridden it before and now you know there are dips and wild turns coming. So, in that instance, the recovery so to speak gets quicker all the time. And that little baby dip? Doesn't bother you like before...etc.etc.
It really is a time thing, no other solution. That is why GAL is SO important
My husband came over and said I will be getting papers this week. I stayed calm and said you deserve to be happy. He hugged me for a minute and said he was sorry. Help. I'm panicking!
Me 29 H 28 M 9 T 11 No kids 2 dogs H moved in with parents 3/21/13 H wants a D 4/2/13 D Filed 4/5/13 Served 4/17/13
Hi Shiss. Just read up on your sitch. I am sorry to hear what you are going through.
If H has drawn up papers, you have a choice to make. Do you feel the M should be over? From your posts it seems like you still want to work on it. If so, make sure that at some point you convey that to him. It needs to be done in a calm, and cool sort of way. Make sure you tell him that you have thought about it, this isn't just an emotional or pursuing action, and that it's something you've decided, even after hearing he wants the D. Then be sure to leave it at that. He may insist it's over, not respond, or just be dismissive. If you're ready for that response, you'll be able to deal with it. He'll need time to process that, no matter what.
I guess what I'm trying to describe is detaching. Tell him your intentions without getting wrapped up in an argument. Do it with love and consideration for his feelings, as well as your own. It may well be the hardest thing you ever have to do.
And for what it's worth, you both seem to be reacting as if you really care about one another's feelings. As others have pointed out, you are reacting to one another's negative emotions; it's bad but fixable. If you might want to read up on codependence, and strategies for dealing with it.
Panic is normal at this point, but this is not necessarily the end. You can control how you deal with this.
H: 38 xW: 38 M: 16 T: 18 S: 9 BD: 2/2012 W moved out 4/2012 D: 11/2012
I want to save it I just don't know how at this point. He seemed so sad like he doesn't want this. I told him to let me know if he changes his mind and left it alone. I'm scared its done.
Me 29 H 28 M 9 T 11 No kids 2 dogs H moved in with parents 3/21/13 H wants a D 4/2/13 D Filed 4/5/13 Served 4/17/13
I can tell you that when my W and I were at this point I was telling myself that I only wanted to work on it if she did. It took talking with my IC and reading DB to realize that I wanted to work on the R (and really myself) independent of whether she did or not. Everyone's different, but I wouldn't let his outlook color what you would like to do. After all, he may change his mind. It hasn't been that long.
H: 38 xW: 38 M: 16 T: 18 S: 9 BD: 2/2012 W moved out 4/2012 D: 11/2012
What do I do now??? Keep going and hope his heart softens?!!
What do you do now? Breath.
You can not control what he feels or does.
It isn't your gut getting you into trouble... it is your head. At times like this, it is easy to lose a semblance of control or meaning. The mind can run away and create the most awful scenarios imaginable.
It took leaving my W and my home and moving a thousand miles away to realize just how important all of that really was to me. Minds change. Hearts change. Everyone goes through different processes.
Keep the faith, sister.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
That sounds like a decision you need to make. I don't think anyone on here can realistically tell you whether you should keep going or not. If you do want to keep going, I'd suggest rereading some of the above posts on how to approach it. Try to change how you interact with H. Describe what you are trying that is different for feedback.
H: 38 xW: 38 M: 16 T: 18 S: 9 BD: 2/2012 W moved out 4/2012 D: 11/2012
