I think all of us dealing with MLC go through a period when we want answers. In one sense, as Snodderly says, sit quietly and they will come, but they won't be the answers to some key questions, like 'do we every get an apology?#
The point is that MLCers behave as if they have an empathy bypass, and I believe they actually do have an empathy by-pass. As far as I can see, some apologise and some do not, even of those who come out of it. One thing is certain, none of them appears to remember one tenth of what they said and did. Everyone I have spoken to on the other side of MLC whether or not they reconcile, has confirmed this. Things they did, things they said, including when others were present to confirm the details, are all either a blur or even totally denied. It is as if on the other side they do not have access to these memories
I think it is a great pity that MLC is not more widely recognised and studied. Not sure I would want it medicalised but I would like to see more understanding of it, and recognition that this is not 'simply' marriage break up, but a total personality change by one of the parties.
Part of moving through to acceptance for us, is no longer needing an apology - it is a part of the early and mid stages of dealing with MLC when we are very hurt and they are very mean. As we heal, and they often become less mean and crazy, we get on with out lives. Sure an apology would be nice, same as a lot of things wold be nice, but it no longer becomes something we long for and feel we need.
Right now it is raw and hurting, but as you know this drama takes a long time to play out. The damage that precipitated MLC was done a long time ago, and the MLCer needs to play it out in their own time.
