thank you for your feedback. it is much appreciated. you are right. it is sooooooo stressful. i dont understand it nor do i really wish to. it hurts me to my very core. especially the stuff with my kids. it is not fair to them. they love me very much. i am not trying to brag or point fingers but i handle them better. they behave better with me. they seem happier. they tell me they like living with me better. i know kids play games so i dont put too much weight behind what they say. it is from my own observations and i try to be very impartial and leave my feelings aside. i would never try to take them from their mother as i believe having two parents is very important. they need a loving healthy relationship with their mother as they do me.
acceptance is different kind of thing. because of my AA program i am learning to accept things alot more. however i will never accept the way she treats me, how she uses the kids as weapons, and how decietful she is. i do however accept the fact that i cant change her and that she more than likely will always be this way.
communication with her is next to impossible. anything i say is twisted around and used against me in court or to hurt me. she knows how to hurt me and is very very good at it. i try so hard to remain calm and keep my body language in check. i stick to the few boundries i have. i would say i am 95% successful at keeping my cool. it doesnt seem to matter. it is almost every other day that she spews some type of hateful stressful nonsense..
i dont know what to do. i am however looking for a lawyer who will work for commission. i am intending on sueing OM and OM's employer. South Dakota is one of the few states that still allows for alienation of affection civil suits. I have read up on it quite a bit and feel that i have a good case. we will see what a lawyer says.
on the upside, i have my kid this weekend. we had a wonderful night tonight. i feel on top of the world when they are with me. i'm kind of seeing this girl. i'll probably end it soon, as i do with all the others. i dont know if i look for reasons to end it, or i have impossibly high standards. it just never seems right too me, and it seems that women are in such a huge rush to move to a crazy level of commitment.
i just started seeing a therapist last week. she says i may be suffering from severe depression and extreme anxiety. she is scheduling an appointment with someone who can prescribe meds or something. kind of confused on that part. either way, i'm going to see where it goes.
