I was asked to leave the house 2 weeks ago. I tried everything to stay including reasoning, bribery, begging, promising to change, and going to counseling. She said either I give her a month of isolation or she would leave with the kids and divorce me. It's been almost a week since I left and I'm a mess. Can't eat, sleep, concentrate, or function. I love my wife and kids more than anything. She's the only women I've truely loved and the only one I want to be with. I found a spare room to stay in from a friend of a friend. I have no family in the area and fewer friends. I feel like I've been banished to a remote island and cutoff from my life. For the last several months I've been depressed and distanced myself from my wife. The serious arguments started after I asked her to go back to work. She's stayed home with the kids for almost 8 years and I've been ultra stessed at work. In my depression I thought the wife going back to work would take some stress off my situation. Bad idea on my part that I regret more than anything. I expressed negative feelings About her in a cold manner even discussing the topic of divorce in anger. After a month of sleeping apart, she kicked me out of the house. She told me that she needs time to decide if she'll give me another chance or divorce me. The worst part of all this is that I'm living with the regret of being the reason for this mess. If only I can go back and unsay those cruel words and hateful tone. In my depression and anger I said things that I'm ashamed of. The feelings were negative and fleeting and should never have been verbalized. The month or so we drifted apart I tried everything to fix the problem including profusely apologizing, buying flowers, sending texts, and begging. The harder I tried the worse it got. I'm worried that this may be the end. The waiting is driving me nuts. She let me see the kids five times this week but would barely speak or even look at me. Very stone cold in her demeanor. We've been married for 12 years and together for 13 with two children. She told me that she has no feelings for me, doesn't love me, and doesn't know if she can ever have feelings or love for me again. Said that the last 12 years were misery that she'd like to forget. I've come to realize that althought I've provided a nice house, cars, savings and retirement accounts, private school, and material things I've neglected fulfilling her emotional needs. I've been an emotional rock to her. My idea of being a good husband and father were centered around providing and protecting. I missed the boat on the emotional connection. I wish to God that I can go back and change things. I'm devastated and broken by this separation and marital failure. I love my wife more than anything but always had a hard time expressing it to her. I always thought emotions were not manly or important because they changed all the time. I'm learning that emotions are how women express their heart and feel connected to their spouse. I'm wishing I knew this 12 years ago or even a month ago. I seriously wish my wife came with a manual when we met. I've missed several opportunities to work on our marriage with her. Sitting here alone in a strange place while living out of a suitcase has given me time to reflect on my shortcomings as a husband and father. Any advice on what I should do? Up to this point I've respected her wishes and started to see the marriage counselor. Before I left I told her that I loved her, didn't want a divorce or separation, and would do anything to save our marriage. It seems like doing nothing is just wasting time. I'm usually a very unemotional, take charge man with a strong personality. I can't remember the last time I cried but I've wept openly since the separation. After13 years I've grown attached to her and just miss her being in the room. We have our share of issues but nothing I would throw our marriage away over. Any thoughts are welcome!
