Crazy little thing called MLC

[Raine]

Thanks rH for your words of encouragement. You have brought me so much hope and peace that everything is going to be okay.

Everything went really well. I'm great, baby is amazing. He is gorgeous. H was there and only person I had. Somethings were hard, like he showed no affection toward me, never got me or the baby anything, but he stepped it up with the boys and just taking care of things. It was kind of funny that sometimes he would talk to the nurses like we had this future together. Many people mentioned we need to keep trying for a girl and he would say things like we could but we would just end up with 9 boys.

He came to pick me up and bring me home. On the way home I asked him what his plans were. He said he had brought his stuff back and would be here for two weeks for his paternity leave and we could evaluate how it's going on sunday. Then he says we can see what transition to make when he goes back to work and schedule for the boys. I said can you explain what you mean by that and he said let's talk later. So I don't know what he is thinking or planning or expects. I guess I have it in the back of my head transition towards D since baby is here and he can see me through this first bit. If H is talking about transitioning coming home I don't know how to handle that. I guess with I need to think through things and talk to him later. I can't have him here and having affairs or contact with OW. But he also has no idea how much I know.

He did not stop holding the baby since we've been home except when I was feeding him. H slept on the couch but baby wouldnt sleep unless being held, and so H came through and held him for half the night and slept in the bed. Seeing H with the baby has my emotions boiling over when I'm alone. He is super doting and loving to him and all the boys.

At the risk of AJ chastising me, I've looked at OW4's FB. She is making posts that are a call for desperation. About her bad day, everything going wrong, eating ice cream and watching sad movies. I feel like I should send her a bag of worms. I think this is very much a good thing that she is trying to get some attention, but H isn't biting and likely she is pushing him away very fast. Her true snd desperate colors are showing quickly. H also skipped a concert he was supposed to see with OW1, she got him the ticket, but it was after baby was born. He told me he was missing it and then admitted about Ow1 getting the ticket after I said I never knew he had plans to go. (I think he thinks that I just think they are friends who made some innocent mistakes, like maybe along the lines of TVS's H assumptions about her knowledge. ) he said that he was skipping it anyway and he was going to hang out with lots of people not just her and that he didn't know why he was justifying it to me. (I don't know either, since i didn't ask and didn't say anything about it. He just kept talking.)

So that's where I'm at. I'm in this moment of pure joy with this little angel and having all these mixed up emotions toward H who said he didn't want anything to do with this baby and now he so in love with him, and feeling like when I'm around H he is nice to me but has this resentment there too, maybe not toward me, but still this feeling from him of negative emotions, depression, sadness, not sure.