Positive, do you think it was wrong to consult a lawyer? My thought was that I did it because my H said that he wanted a D, I guess I thought it was the right thing to do so if I do get served, I know what to expect. Who knows, H may have been bluffing when he said he talked to an attorney.
Me 29 H 28 M 9 T 11 No kids 2 dogs H moved in with parents 3/21/13 H wants a D 4/2/13 D Filed 4/5/13 Served 4/17/13
You can search public records in your county to see if H filed. I wish I had remembered that when I had my freak out earlier this week!!! But if your spouse has filed papers, first thing that will happen is it'd be registered with the courts and you'd see it online. Will NOT see if spouse has simply had consult with atty.
You need to protect yourself either way so getting info from atty is the only way to do that. Plus it checks off one box in moving you through your situation and can put your mind at ease knowing your options.
Best thing to do is put it out of your mind as much as possible. If he files, if he didn't - wouldn't change your course of action, would it?
Its all good- I was asking for myself. It "felt" early /soon for the both of you to have lawyers. Remember when I wrote about feeling like my wife and I were in a car racing towards a cliff.......Thats what the both of you already having lawyers felt like- To me.
I hope the meeting helped you to learn about the steps knowing about the process may help the anxiety of the unknown.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Im communicating poorly- im sorry. Im trying to say that ideally you feel like your in control of a pace that feels good to you.
I use the racecar because I felt, at the time, that I was NOT in control and it was only heading in one direction- Divorce. The decisions I was making were reactionary because I was so desperate not to lose her.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Its because it just recently happened and you are both reacting to each others reactions- and if youve talked to friends and family who dont want to see you in pain they push you too..... its a scary time
But the reality is the only next step is to file. everything from now to then is just noise- thats why you use this "gift of time" to work on you- its all you can control
Then even if someone does file- itll take months more before anything is finalized
For us- those left behind ....it hurts like a bastard until we detach
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Read this clip from a blog of Micheles- Its what I CLING too
Since it’s hard to know whether your spouse is truly done with your marriage or just needs some more time to come to his/her sense, if I were you, I would err on the side of caution. Why not assume that this is going to take much longer than you anticipated, but that, in the end, things will work out. “Act as if” you believe that your marriage sill has possibilities. Do the things you would do if you envisioned a positive outcome to all of your efforts. Don’t allow friends, relatives, lawyers, or therapist to tell you that you should move forward in your life if that’s not your heart’s desire. If you are still hopeful that your spouse will eventually reconsider, keep practicing the techniques I’ve taught you. Don’t stop until you are absolutely convinced that it’s over. Surround yourself with people who will support you in this endeavor.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Read this clip from a blog of Micheles- Its what I CLING too
Since it’s hard to know whether your spouse is truly done with your marriage or just needs some more time to come to his/her sense, if I were you, I would err on the side of caution. Why not assume that this is going to take much longer than you anticipated, but that, in the end, things will work out. “Act as if” you believe that your marriage sill has possibilities. Do the things you would do if you envisioned a positive outcome to all of your efforts. Don’t allow friends, relatives, lawyers, or therapist to tell you that you should move forward in your life if that’s not your heart’s desire. If you are still hopeful that your spouse will eventually reconsider, keep practicing the techniques I’ve taught you. Don’t stop until you are absolutely convinced that it’s over. Surround yourself with people who will support you in this endeavor.
Thanks PS, very helpful
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
