New to all this!

[Stipple]

After finding out that H has been texting OW and deleting the messages and not saying anything to me, H informs me yesterday that he is leaving at the end of the month, after we have been to two 50th birthday parties. It hasn't been the full 6 months that he initally agreed to and I told him so but I did say I wouldn't hold him to it and he could go sooner. I did give him the 'hope we could work on R' speech but I don't think he heard it.

I did all the wrong things after that, mentioned that I thought he was in MLC, and why I would like him to stay living at home, etc. H has never ever gone back on his word in all the tears I have known him so I didn't have anything to lose I felt. Once he leaves he will never return to the relationship. I also mentioned that I didn't feel that he had been trying to work through things as he had said originally but felt he had just sat back waiting for the months to pass.

The next few months/years are going to be hard for me. We will have to continue to work together. He still wants access to our garage, etc. I'm not sure what to do about the house key -do I keep it or let him have access to the house? How do I treat him when we have to be together for work? He has mentioned a few times that he likes the back and shoulder rubs I have been giving him, do I continue with those?

D18 has been staying with her sister for a couple of days and will continue to until later next week when D27 moves house. Originally I had hoped it would give H and I some space to talk it bout her being around.

I didn't sleep well last night, woke up a few times to find myself cuddled up to H back. It took me a long time to get used to sleeping with H every night when he changed jobs and was home every night. I hope it doesn't take as long to readjust!