W and I had a pretty tough weekend. Saturday morning at race was an absolute blast together and as family but then it went downhill after that. I hate to admit it but this time it spun me out pretty good. Reason why I haven't been around much last couple days. Few days there felt like November all over again... She said some pretty cold, hurtful stuff, and sadly I flung a few truth arrows of my own. I've slowly gotten to the point where enough is enough and it was time to call BS for what it is. Right or wrong, $hit just needs to be said sometimes (i.e. explained how her actions were hurting kids and me). I know it didn't help matters at all and I wish it didn't happen the way it did but what's done is done. I beat myself up for a couple days. Mostly because I was disappointed in myself for letting her get to me and now I'm back to normal. *Caveat - I don't recommend doing this and it was wrong from a DB aspect. Do as I say, not as I do type thing going on... I've made a few DB mistakes over the last several weeks getting away from my strategy. The strategy, while it didn't feel right, seemed to be improving the sitch so why wouldn't I change back to what felt right? (sarcasm there). When things started going good I dropped my guard and got stung. I've received enough 2x4's last few days and I know what I've been doing wrong but feel free to swing away if you want . Here's a few of the cleaner ones I've heard so you'll have to come up with better than this:
•What is ok is to move forward for you and forget her words •You have to let this $hit go, what's wrong with you •So, she defines you? Who you wanna be? •Why not try something different? •What's YOUR plan? Don't put any kids emotions on her, it's not gonna happen. You fix this •You are stronger than you have been the past few days. Stop pussyfootin around and stand...dignity, honor, and grace...accept nothing less •Events don't matter as much as how you handle the events •Stop F'n around and do it then
I was told it would happen and it did; the very next day my W acted like nothing had happened or was said the day before. She acted like everything was status quo... She's been acting "normal" ever since. Just shows how emotion fueled she is right now.
Few kid incidents also arose again where she made promises she didn't keep and they got hurt which didn't help. Hurting me I can take to a point, hurting kids is what I struggle with... I also feel responsible because I could have done a better job protecting them and myself.
So, where does that leave me? Got a few new scars but I'm back to feeling strong and knowing who I want to be. I'm just going to live it for the next month. I was challenged last night to go one month without talking, thinking about future or past, and get my $hit together and get back to being the man I am, not the 'Alice' I've been acting like the last few weeks. I also need to get back to protecting my kids more. (i.e. bed time is at 9:00, mom promises to be home by 9:30, kids will be going to bed at 9:00...no more waiting up with no call and eventual tears/ anger from kids with me picking up pieces). I need to keep expectations in line with the current reality. I also will give myself more space from W and create distance again. I'm obviously not to a point yet where I can be close friends and do everything together and not get off my center.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Oh, Spartan, I am so the queen of making up my own sh*t as I go along. But, DB helps me to not go off the rails, and I find that those scars heal a little quicker, because I now have the tools to deal with them (how I use the tools is up to me and I have been known to use the pot as a hammer...)
This is not linear. Sure we move ahead with ourselves, our growth our lives, but it is very cyclical too. I, myself, have been in a bit of an anger phase lately, but am letting it go these past few days (with success I must say).
So while you see telling wife that actions are hurtful, I see it as a boundary. Simply you stating that these actions do not benefit myself or children, so I won't engage with you when they occur. Sure, you'd like to have stated it in another way, but hindsight is 20/20 and just sometimes an eye opener is needed by WAS. Whether or not they are ready to have eyes opened is another story lmao!
