Suckerpunch down to the wire

[25yearsmlc]

let me rephrase...

"just make the changes you want,


b/c they're the right things to do..."
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How SHE is doing in her life is NOT an "index" for your happiness. SO if she's happy, that does not remove from your life one ounce of joy.

If she gets cancer, does that even things out for you? I know you don't wish that on her, but this subsconcious need of some

to have things "even out" when what they really mean is "the other person has to be as miserable as me OR it's not fair"...

is not healthy. It's a crazy way to live and a set up for failure. It's also a life view of scarcity for happiness. Like the pot of joy is only so big,

and if she has a cup, then you'll get less. That's NOT how life works. And it should not be.

You are both "allowed" to move on and be happy OR miserable...as YOU choose.

Stop measuring. And don't hold anything against her, like moving on and adapting.

She has spent years adapting. I cannot imagine my "home" being my h's family business. What type of emotional buy in

or commitment would I feel? A lot less I"m afraid.

Its NOT a home you built together as you once said. If it were, then you'd have to change your financial analysis so now it's all about the family business.

So is it that big of a surprise to walk away from a "Home" she did not own a part of, in your eyes?...

Just food for thought. I meant it when I said I would not mix those two again, however.

At least run it by folks who have had it blow up in their faces.

H and I, and my oldest brother bought a house back home, for our widowed mother. We shared in the down payment but brother also lived there.

Then he "ran out of money" and we paid for everything./ That's fine with brother b/c he says "when we sell, he'll pay us back the extra we put in"..

except we PUT A LOT extra in and we're short of cash since H was deployed (his deployment cost us 6 figures and we used our savings to keep the house we are in).

So we're getting screwed but hey, it's my mom...and she now lives with a sister (a saint) b/c she has some dementia so we're renting the house out, at a loss.

OUR loss...

my point is, I'd probably do business again with a sister, OR with a very clearly spelled out WRITTEN agreement that is enforceable and clear.

But I'd advise against it unless there is a compelling reason for it (like a widow mother and no one else having capital for a down payment)....