Well, it's been a rough month or so for Whatis/ Last week my daughter 15 had a 3.5 hour surgery on her ear. She's had a defect since birth and recurring ear infections have reduced her hearing to 50% in one ear. The surgeon was fixing the hole in the ear drum, removing a growth which had crushed her ear drum and removed decayed bone. He also did some reconstructive work that may or may not bring back some hearing. We'll know in seven weeks at our next visit. The day after my daughter's surgery, my Mom was operated on for breast cancer. They removed the lump and have taken biopsies and we'll see next week whether she just requires radiation or whether they have to go back and take the whole breast. She's recovering well. Lastly, I ended my relationship with SDA Lady. I don't want to go into the issues but it was a very difficult decision to make. I still have very warm and loving feelings for her but some people just shouldn't be together. I had concluded that we were two of them. We'd been together 14 months and the same issues as we'd had previously were rearing their ugly heads again. I met with a therapist and some friends and all were in agreement, this was not working for me. The therapist, who I've known for many years, said "Congratulations Whatis, you've managed to find a lady more anxious than you are!" She also said "you've told her what your needs are and she's not listening, in fact, she's telling YOU what your needs are." Finally I decided to end it and did so in as loving a way as I could. So anyway, less than a month later (and a week after me telling her not to call me anymore as the contact was not allowing us time to heal) SDA Lady is back on POF "looking for a relationship". Apparently I'm the only one who can look at his issues and the part they played in the relationship and say "needs some work!". I really do miss her though, she was so sweet in so many ways but that's the road I chose, now I gotta travel it. So DBers, empathy I can handle right now but advice...let it rest for awhile. I am hurting and still processing this loss. I haven't had time to really grieve with all the health issues to attend to in my family lately...but I will rise again! Thanks.
I found myself in an R with a beautiful woman and have needed to back right off due to commitment issues we both have. Who knows what the future may bring, but I understand your pain.
I'm so sorry. You've been through a lot lately & it's still only 2 years since you lost your dad. So many changes.
Not sure what to say About SDA lady. I've always thought its not so good to end things when there are other big stresses going on but I don't live at your house.
I'm glad things seemed to go well with D's surgery. I didn't know about your Mom - so sorry to hear this. I hope she responds well to the radiation. I will keep all of you in my prayers.
Hugs to you. I am sure it has not been easy. Good for you for having the courage to make the changes & to acknowledge your own need for more counseling & work.
I am willing to split a big bowl of ice cream with you and I will even let you pick the flavor. You may not see how you have grown by how you dealt with this ending but I do and I think you are doing well. Big hugs Ken.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks everyone. One of the nice things that happened here is my two daughters. Last night when I got home I sat down in a chair and my D15 looked at me and said "Daddy,you look sad. Do you miss SDA Lady?" and the tears just started to flow. She came over and wrapped her arms around me and said "Daddy, I love you". We talked for a little bit and I thanked her for being there. About 15 minutes later I got a text from my D19, it read "Daddy, D15 tells me you're feeling down tonight. I'm studying for my exams tomorrow, but maybe we can text and if you need to talk I'm here for you!" we texted for a bit and I told her I saw SDA Lady on a dating site and it hit me hard. She wrote "just when you think you're OK something always jumps up and bites you in the butt. You cry if you need to Daddy, you'll be OK. You're the strongest person I know!" Wow, those are my girls...I am indeed blessed.
I got this email from one of my subscriptions this morning...Hm, good timing!
Cutting out what isn't working in your life is a bold first step to creating the life that does work for you.
Our lives can be compared to an ongoing movie script over which we have complete creative control. Within us lies the power to examine what works or isn’t working in our lives and make “edits” to our life’s script, accordingly. Choosing to actively edit your life can be incredibly empowering. As you evolve, you have the choice to accept the script you’ve written thus far or edit it so you can create a life that fulfills you. You can cut out from your life’s script what is no longer working for you. Acknowledging that you are responsible for the experience you create gives you the ability to create the life you’ve always longed for.
Granted, editing your real life isn’t always as easy as erasing a line of text. If you’ve carried emotional baggage or held on to an unhealthy relationship for a long time, these may be difficult to edit out. But when you do cut out what isn’t working from your life, you’ll feel lighter and more alive. Editing out activities that you find stressful, disassociating yourself from people that drain your energy, and letting go of your emotional baggage are all beneficial cuts you can make. In the empty spaces that are left behind, you can add in anything you like. Just as you have the power to edit out negative situations or beliefs that you no longer wish to have as part of your life, you can now include the kinds of positive experiences, people, and beliefs that you would like to fill your life with. The manifestation of these thoughts and images as realities in your life will inevitably follow. As you make changes to your life, you can also add in the bits where you choose mo! re intimate, healthier relationships, seek out adventure over tedium, and are no longer negatively impacted by old experiences.
To begin editing your life, simply think about your positive and negative experiences. When you determine what parts of your life are no longer serving you, make the commitment to remove them – though, it is important to remember that there is no proper timing or way to do this, and patience and compassion for yourself are always important during this process. Then, ask yourself what has brought you profound bliss and consider how you can make those experiences and beliefs part of your life now. With a little editing, you’ll be able to clear out what is no longer serving you and make room in your life for more happiness, love, and wisdom.
Well, SDA Lady isn't the only one back in play! Whatis is heading to a nursing home tonight to play Music Bingo with the old folks. I've heard from my fellow church group members that the old ladies are hot to trot and ready for action. I better brush up on my Englebert trivia to really impress them. Music bingo is a meat market!
Good to hear from you Wii. I'm sorry things didn't turn out well with SDA lady. I'm learning to just live. I am a planner. Now I'm learning to say ef it. Whatever. Feels good to just be.
And some lucky girl is out there waiting for u. Or two maybe three. Depends on your stamina and attention span
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
