I've been in my sitch only about 4 months now, I think I've done OK with DB-ing, my sitch is 100% better than just 2 months ago, but still not acceptable in that W is not committed to M.
Why this intro? Because these past few days I've had a tremendous urge to start a relationship discussion or at least do some temperature checking. I want to see if my W is moving back toward the M, or understand what she is thinking.
I see the wisdom in me not initiating such a dicussion so I don't, but I DO WANT TO!
I slipped up a little bit last night. My W was at the gym, and I had suggested to her earlier that I could meet her afterwards and we could do something. She agreed. I later texted her that I was just going to go home because my leg was bothering me (I injured my knee last week).
My W called from the gym and asked if I ate, and wanted to go out. I said yes, and we went to dinner and the entire conversation was about her work -- this is a safe topic for us. At home, she left her cell phone out (this is rare) and I saw a short text exchange with her GF that she was stuck with me and would have rather been doing something else.
Yes, my bad habit of snooping is difficult to completely turn off. Now the next morning, I say to myself to only believe 50% of what she says, and especially what she says to her GF. Yet, last night it was bothering me. My W saw that something was bothering me, asked and asked, and I said something about plans we had for the next night and me telling her that if she didn't want to go, then she didn't have to. Only a minor slip, and only touching the periphery of a R discussion and whether she wanted to be with me.
Yes, I have to avoid snooping, I see how it undermines having a PMA.
In my mind, I want to defer any R discussion until end of June when we have a planned family vacation. When we return, I figure it will have been a little more than a year, and worth me initiating a discussion to understand where we are at.
Maybe by June I'll have detached enough that I won't feel so strongly the need to start a discussion. Guess I'll see.
