how long until you went on a date

[~ kd ~]

I do understand that you are missing that feeling of connection with someone that you otherwise would get from a spouse.

after 9 months of back and forth maybe i should start putting myself out there. maybe that will make him realize he wants to come back because right now he does what ever he wants

I suspect that the bold part above is speculation on your part and perhaps desperation.

If you enter into a dating scenario to make your H jealous, then do you really want him back, only because he's jealous?

If you enter into a dating scenario to get the emotional connection to someone and potentially a physical one, then you would be actively entering an open M. Would that be something you would do if the two of you were happily M?

Again, I'm not here to judge. Do what you feel is right for you. I'm just putting some things out there for you to consider, because there WILL be consequences.

Think about this... you may find your "soul mate" if you start dating and become emotionally connected with someone... only to find out later that the new guy is more of a jerk than your H.

Perhaps what you really are seeking is to get together with friends. If that's the case, join a social group, try "Meetup.com" and just get out there and meet new people in new situations... rather than forcing dating, let the wind blow and see where it takes you.