Think long and carefully on this possible EA/PA thing.
In my sitch, IF I had confronted W back when I first saw "physical evidence", with where SHE WAS AT (angry, venom-spewing alien mode, blaming me for EVERYthing evil and wrong in her life and the universe), at that time...I would NOT be looking at my current slow reconnecting, a possible reconciliation...
If I had let my ego rule, when she told me the truth a couple months ago, and acted all mad, hurt, blaming, etc...instead of how i DID actually handle it...forgiveness, logic, rational, calm...I would NOT be looking at my current slow reconnecting, a possible reconciliation...
She'd be gone...
Here is what Snodderly posted to me (and she is very wise):
Quote:
Had you reacted any differently than what you have thus far, she would have been convinced that the marriage was over. T, the time for healing has begun. The ugly truth has been revealed and now you and your wife must find a way to heal the "rift" that her mlc addition has created.
I know her actions have sent you into a tailspin, but you can't judge her as that is not your role in life. Your role in life is to foregive her and show her unconditional love. We are all human and we are all prone to make mistakes. Your wife will learn from her mistakes and come to see that you and your relationship are the most precious gems in her tiara. The guilt of what she's done will continue to eat at her and that is enough punishment for her to deal with at this time.
Her affair was not about you, it was about something that was missing within her. So, do yourself a favor and rein in your ego. If it had been about you, your wife would have been long gone and trust me, she knows that she has a good man as her husband.
As time moves along, she will share more with you, but you will need to stay calm and listen to what she has to share with you. This a very important time in her recovery and you are her rock. If you truly love this woman, do not shake the foundation at this time. She needs to continue to feel safe in order to reveal the rest of her crisis story to you. Dig deeper for patience and ask God to give you the strength to listen and be there for her.
CB, this is critical that you be VERY clear and certain, in your mind and heart, before stepping in any direction, taking any action...ask yourself, WILL THIS GET ME TO MY GOAL?....imo.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
