Man, Stander, your comments about validation are fantastic. This is another of the (alas) many tools of DBing that I'm working on and you gave some great examples here. Now I've just got to translate them into Dutch and try them out with W!
M41 W42 M 12 T 15 S10, D9, twin Ds 3 1/2 BD 1/2/2013 Living as roommates Working on D agreement w. mediator 5/13
AStander has gold, I'm just not a real good miner yet. I'll check up on your thread P4L.
Spent time with friends yesterday evening, woke up today and headed on out for some hiking with other friends. Also got some gym time in there as well. Good stuff!
In my previous post I dicussed today(Sunday) and the conflict about who should have S now that she wasn't working. I was in for an awesome day and even though I would like to see S, it felt good to know that he was enjoying the day with his mother on their excursion. Or so I thought. On my way out I drove past one of her workplaces and her car was there, so obviously she did work after all. (Not stalking here, it's along my route). I was surprised, but that's her choice to make. I'm having a full day with S tomorrow, weather forecast is good and I'm looking forward to it for sure. Also, I should start taking an alternative route
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
theUF... sounds like you are GAL...good for you. I intentionally take a different route... I hate it when my head decides things about which I do not know. I am always 100% wrong....so, go the other way!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
A plead for advice mixed in with some journaling and a good vent-out. This will be somewhat long, sorry for that.
My head is spinning these days trying to figure out what direction to take and what I really feel. It's been some positives and some negatives.
While out GALing(check) I saw POM for the first time in RL. To call him POM might be a stretch, as I haven't seen any signs of contact for several months and we are not in a R, but for the ease I will refer to him as POM. I haven't put much thought into POM, at least not as much as I feared at BD, but I have been curious as to how I would react once I saw him in RL. I was afraid that it would spark jealousy or pain in me. It went really well however, and my reaction was more of an acknowledgement of what he looked like in RL.
The idea of my X getting together with another man doesn't stress me as much as the idea of another man living with/helping to raise my S.
So, to the point. Do what works, skip what doesn't. I feel like this is going nowhere. I need to do something different.
We spend time together at one weekly activity with S and some around pick-ups/drop offs. She also wants us to celebrate his b-day together. Being around X these days is energy draining, she is not acting like her usual self. I want to ask her why she is acting this way and to just tell me what she wants/is trying to do, but I know that's a dead end.
IDK what her motives are and it's hard to explain her behaviour, but the most pronounced is that she has started to pick on almost every decision/choice I make. She even complained about me talking too loudly when having a normal conversation, LOL. She tries to overrun every little decision I make, i.e what clothes I'm going to dress S in. When I'm at her place she tells me not to complain about the mess, which I haven't, and at the same time she complains about the mess in my apartment(which is really nice and tidy). I tried talking to her about co-parenting and routines, but it's like she's locked in "I'm going to think/believe/mean/say the complete opposite of you no matter what". The only things she seems interested in talking about is stuff that makes her life look good as opposed to mine. I know this reaks of frustration, and that's b/c I am.
Maybe she is testing me or just trying to push my buttons. Instead of going defensive like I would have (i.e as opposed to your place?) I'm brushing it off, but I feel that as long as this behaviour keeps up there is no room for meaningful conversations or interactions. I would like to just see her lower her shoulders and calm down.
I'm going to be completely honest...right now I wish I could just completely cut contact. I'm considering dating, but feel it's mostly to get some positive interactions rather than R's.
I know chances are she is not even aware of it, so I suspect talking to her about it would be hopeless. Any takes on how I can break this circle? Back off and go as dark as possible(with a kid)? Try talking to her?
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
Today started out as one of those days, attacked from all angles. Kept reminding myself to detach and stay in MY sandbox(sandi or 25). Glad to say it worked, and the day turned out great. Just got back from the gym, working on dinner and having a beer. Then out for some GALing.
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
