On a sombre note, though... even though truly I say this just as a consideration and fairly lightly... as a teenager about to become a "man", I hope that he truly does not rely on you for everything. Do you believe he needs you to do things for him... or do you believe he accepts that you do things for him... what value do you get out of doing things for him? what are the consequences of you continuing to do things for him?
I agree with T^2, that you are a great parent and are doing the best that you can for your kids. I'm simply putting some thing out there for you to contemplate. I do (tongue in cheek) know of plenty of kids who have gone to prom / grad in jeans and T-shirt and seem to be no worse for it...
And yes, if S14 is asking to go to a counsellor, do what you can to make that happen.
