OK, so... as difficult as this may be, you are going to have to be a master at patience...
Until she states otherwise, you have asked her and she remains in the M, so let that lie. Stop asking because she has told you, it feels like pressure.
So... get a really good handle on the DB techniques that will work for you and possibly help save your M. That is, generally, become a man that only a fool would leave. And it needs to be real and persistent over a long period of time, so that it sticks, and your W can trust it... when trust of us is lost, even when we feel it is unwarranted, it is very, very difficult to regain... but not impossible, by any means...
She will punish you as long as she feels she needs to. That doesn't mean you cower or cater to her whims. It means you validate her feelings of insecurity, even if you feel they are unwarranted. Let her know that you understand that she feels the way she feels. Period. Nothing more. Men need to learn the power of listening, when it comes to their spouses. It is a HUGE value.
She may eventually start asking questions about the OW. While you feel it wasn't an OW, treat it like it was. IOW, rather than defending and saying that you didn't... again, just validate her feelings...
OK, beyond that... what areas do you feel that you could become a better man? A better spouse? A better parent? These questions do not take away from the quality of man / spouse / parent that you already are. It is simply a question of, "what more?"
And finally, pick up the book called "5 Love Languages". It can help you understand both your own and your W's method of showing and receiving love. While not a tactic to get your W back by "making" her love you more, you use this as a possible 180 and "becoming better" man... which may hopefully save your M.
What ever you do, you need to back off and let her drive / control.
Change yourself to change the relationship... that's it... that's DB..,.
