Struggling and need help

[CharlieBrown]

I got back May 22 and on May 23, she sits down and asks if we can move back to Milwaukee. This is many hours away, our kids love our town, we have a great neighborhood, and my job/compensation is hard to come by. This was out of the blue so I listened to her and did a good job asking questions nonjudgmentally. She talked about how much she hated it here (no shopping, no good sporting events, no nightlife) and how she hated everything, including even our dog, who she LOVES! I didn't know what to say, I just tried to listen. She told me she had talked to her best friend the day before and even when riding back from Pink, she didn't feel this way.

After she went to bed, I went online and this seemed like a classic MLC and possible depression. The next night I told her what I had found and that we were going to be ok. We had talked about watching This is 40, so on Tuesday I rented it so we could laugh a bit. It was funny and we both laughed, but in hindsight, stupid move, I realize, because it minimized what a big deal this was for her.

Also, that day I talked to her best friend for a long time to get her take and tell her how scared I was for her. She said this caught her by surprise, but clearly there is a lot in the marriage she bottled up for a few years and it was coming to the surface.

That Thursday, we talked again and as we were talking, something occurred to me that hadn't until that point. I asked "when you imagine moving back to Milwaukee, am I with you?" to which she said she wasn't sure. Official gut punch at that point but tried to stay calm. She then unloaded for 1/2 hour about how hurt she still was about the 15th, that I don't make her feel appreciated, I don't do my part around the house, etc. I became defensive at that point and told her things that I had bottled up as well. Not the right time for that I realize.