WAS has been in tears the last few nights. She does not want to lose her family or house and has said she does not understand why she is not able to find me attractive
While we instruct the LBS that DB is about working on becoming better individuals, regardless of the outcome, we also generally do not focus on the distinction between WAS and MLC. Yet there are some very distinct differences.
If your W is a WAS, what you do to "fix" yourself and the issues your W has indicated she has with you can eventually save the M. Of course, these changes have to be permanent / real, and be because you want to, regardless of whether your M is saved.
OTOH, if your W is MLC, nothing you do will "fix" the problem, as the problem truly is within your W. WAS are generally clear on what they want (or don't want) and are seeking to move on or have clearly defined path (in their minds) of moving on, once the LBS gets the BD.
Your W suggested that an issue is with your weight, yet you don't indicate if you are muscle bound or not. Obviously, if you are not a body builder, 195kg is unhealthy for your height... So how would you address this? This would be part of your GAL as well as a 180 and done for YOU.
Your W suggesting that her working out is causing her to be tired? That's script. People generally find that if they are active, they become rejuvenated unless they are not used to the effort. Obviously, your W was just using that as an excuse. Like I said, script. How long had she been working out like that?
As you found, your W found interest in someone else. So this is simply a reminder that often, the excuses for being distant really just point to some sort of EA / PA. The EA / PA is a symptom, so as much as it hurts to know about it, do your best to not take it personally. It was her choice, even if she rationalized it in her head.
Finally, your last post speaks to your W's confusion. Of all the things you've posted, this last one does help put a more clear picture on where your W is at. The being "tired" (which could be very true) and the confusion, could point to depression, which is a primary component in MLC, tied with possible changes in life style and outbursts and EA / PA... well...
The point is, if your W is MLC, then what you do will not matter. Detach, "fix" yourself, become a man that only a fool would leave, and keep moving forward, regardless of whether your M is saved. MLC can take a long time and while you may want to give up, and that is a fair choice if you decide that, I hope you stick it out as long as you can... you never know...
Just back off on any pressure. MLC especially, runs from pressure.
